The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another
There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden
So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight
Monday, February 02, 2004
falling apart. slowly. painfully.
it's not getting any better. i've had my high moments about 2 days ago. cuz' he felt high that friday. and actually CALLED me. for the first time in the whole week. i thought that was a sign of hope, faith. it wasn't. it only stood for the last moment that i could savour to hear him so happy, talking to ME. i want to cry 24/7.
this morning i was supposed to follow my classmates to watch 'Nicholas Nickleby', as part of "homework" that our literature tutor wanted us to do. highly recommended. but after getting his smses last night, i woke up jaded and depressed. no mood to go out. and furthermore, it was raining. what dramatic irony. but one thing that makes me feel that we can really help save both our souls, is the reason for his dilemma.
his folks found out about us. and they are extremely disappointed in him. thing that made me even more sad was that he said he didn't want to tell me earlier because he felt that this burden is a way of punishment for him, for all his past sins. does that mean that my entry into his life is a punishment? that i brought along pain into his otherwise perfect life?... can't help feeling that i am. I AM. i've been through this problem twice before. and both ended up in a fallout. what makes this one so different? furthermore, he lives up to his reputation. filial piety. it's his #1 priority. can't stop him that way. i suggested less calls and more talk in school. but he didn't even reply to that.
i SO regret not holding his hands. hugging him. telling him I LOVE YOU to his face, right into his eyes. doing everything i could to show him how much he meant to me. now all those "inspirational" quotes that blab on about "If you love a person, tell him/her how you feel; because you never know when they'll be gone" actually make sense to me. NOW i know how sore it can feel. and to think i told him that all i want for my b'day this month is HIM. it still IS HIM. and this year it looks like i'm going to have an Invisible Valentine. i carry him wherever i go. i don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i have loved him. never sacrificed as much as i have for him. never been so involved with anyone as much as him.
i don't hate his parents. but he's turning 18 for pete's sake. and he's a GUY. male species. hardworking one for that matter.
your son loves you. he'll never let you down intentionally. you should see him at school. he's already in the admiration of so many people. you should be SO proud of him. i know i am. let him prove himself to you.
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PUT YOUR LOVELY NAME HERE
Wani
23/02/1986 (Pisces)
(Psychology & Communications) Monash University
Chatting, chilling, poetry, movies, making love, making out.
Tigger & Princess
In love with love; cynical with a hint of tease. ;) LOVE THE WORLD AND SMILE AT THE STRANGER.