happy halloween!
i wish i could have company to celebrate it.
but oh wells, in the spirit of halloween, loneliness is a theme i guess. kinda.
and we all know loneliness loves company.
and it's me!
had a late lunch with eric at Big O at wheelock place and had a nice, quiet long chat.
it was nice. but what was nicer was the pleasant sight of a female vampire in the public toilet next to nydc. whatever. she looked horrible... and not in the spirit of halloween. she just looked so fake. yucks. and definitely trying too hard.
fish & co. was done up nicely. though all this is in the hopes of scamming consumers to buying into the whole 'celebration' of the undead. yay for us.
can't wait till this weekend again. it almost feels like a thursday or a friday.
boy, do i wish it was.
my sis is going to be at another halloween party this friday night.
eww, i'm jealous.
last weekend and this?
sigh. i'm getting too old.
news just in
i just heard this, and it broke my heart.
me: does it even bother you when you know you've hurt my feelings?
boy: i dunno.
me: you mean you're completely okay whenever you know you've hurt my feelings?
boy: i dunno. i can't answer that.
(silence)
what can i possibly say to that?
in other more depressing news, think twice the next time you see that cute top or nice pair of bottoms from GAP, because the investigation of child labour involved in the production processes of their clothing is threatening to taint their image. Read the full article here.
i know i deserve better than this. i'm way too good for this. Monday, October 29, 2007
a decent weekend
i say 'decent' because it wasn't as all hyped up as i thought it'd be.
there were 4 arguments between us that caused quite a rift over the 2 days. and sometimes it's those type of outbursts that make me wonder, "will we ever really be ready?"
he shot to my face, "do you know you ask for reassurance for everything? are you really that insecure?!" and he made his stand clear that he will not reassure me for things that are deemed "small" and "unimportant". "be independent", he told me. all these definitions are by his book, not mine, of course.
i wonder what he's here for then, if i can't even turn to him when i need a shoulder to lean on, regardless of how big or small the problem may be?
i miss the times when he wouldn't even think twice about rushing to my side to see if i'm okay. a real friend, he was. i miss that friend. Friday, October 26, 2007
beautiful weather
today's weather is completely beautiful. hot and sunny.
i hope sunday will be like this, exactly. i want my tan!
guess what my lunch today was?
one chicken curry puff with eggs and half a custard and chocolate donut.
plus a can of chrysanthemum tea to wash it down.
very healthy, wani.
oh well, i'm just happy the weekend's peeking around the corner, becuase it means getting to spend time with him. :)
and i'm even happier because the L.A. trip's less than a month away!
and i can wear my calf-high boots. hee.
SIA! finally.
i know i should be still worried about my exams, but it feels like the holidays have started. hmm. too bad i'm not doing anything for halloween (as if i do anything any year!).
my sister's going to be hanging out at escape tonight with her friends... lucky girl.
but i get to spend my weekends with someone and that makes me happy enough. :D
i'll probably catch 'halloween' on pirated dvd with him anyway, and that means more hiding under pillows and screaming in his arms. haha!
i'm such a wuss during horror flicks, but i love the thrill!
as you can guess, i'm in a pretty good mood, considering that this is my worst PMS yet - dizziness, diarrhoea, mood swings, quick flushes of hot and cold all over my body and headache. yucks! just get it done and over with!
i miss weekends like the one to come. weekends like these. Wednesday, October 24, 2007
guest post
i'm posting this one up on behalf of the boy, who, for some reason, wishes to share a tiny bit of his experience at sepang with my blog readers.
why anyone of my readers would want to know about it, or even be interested in it, i have no idea. but oh well, i'm doing it because he politely requested for it, and because i love him. :)
*please remember to let the video load first and turn down the volume really low, because the sound's pretty loud, and you'll probably get a shock (i know i did!).
it's a pretty short clip, and i'm sorry for the width of the video! i know it's way to wide, but if i shorten it, the controls will get chopped off. so, hope you bear with the random-ness of this post, and enjoy!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007in the outback
after so long, i've finally edited some of my photos. and my most favourite is this one:
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i miss you. very, very... very much.
Monday, October 22, 2007miss me much?
the boy's due home soon from sepang, and i can only thank God that i was kept busy this weekend so i wouldn't preoccupy my blank mind with just missing him.
i know it's pretty unfair for me to say that, since i'll be away for a good 18 days in late november till early december in the U.S.
it's just that weekends are usually meant for us, and this weekend is the first one i've spent at home and with the family, in a really LONG time.
it was okay, i guess. tolerable.
my first paper's this thursday, but what have i done? nothing. yay!
*interruption*
the boy just called. and he's stuck at the causeway because one of his "intelligently ignorant" friend decided to smuggle in ciggies and is currently sorting things out with ICA. smart-ass. serves him (his friend) right.
but it was really nice hearing his voice. :)
i just want exams to be over, L.A. to come, his birthday to last forever, christmas to be joyous and new year's eve to be, well... reflective.
i feel so nostalgic now, i just wish he were here to hug me to sleep. so tightly. Wednesday, October 17, 2007
last assignment
i've officially completed my last assignment for this semester!
and i'll get to spend some quality time with the boy tomorrow before he leaves for sepang this weekend, for a guys' "bike racing-cum-bonding" session. heh.
in the mean time, check this youtube link out. it's fucking hilarious, i find. but view at your own discretion. the material this guy has is quite offensive if you can't approach his jokes with plenty of light-heartedness. i would post the video straight up here, but i might just get slammed for it.
so i'll leave the choice to you. but i can tell you first, i think it's really really funny. :)
enjoy! Sunday, October 14, 2007
a blow to my heart
i could say that this has got to be the worst hari raya i've experienced. as far as i can remember.
the main reason being that, when seeking forgiveness from one of my aunt's she casually asked me (in malay), "how are you and your boyfriend? still together?"
"yes."
then she whispered into my ear and stole a glance to where my mom was sitting, "your mom confided in me that she doesn't like you being with him. she really doesn't like it. but i told her, if this is what makes wani happy, just let her be. it's not doing her any harm. but she really doesn't like it."
i just cried.
"i'm sorry for telling you this", she ended off.
i thought no one saw the tears, but my cousin, nasser, did. and after sharing my worry with him, i felt a bit better. though i doubt the nagging feeling will ever leave.
then as i went to a few more houses, the ladies kept telling me "ominous" advice like, "you should talk to your mom more. she's like your best friend. we're all ladies in the family and should stick together."
*shiver*
i just nodded and "uh-huh"-ed every single the time.
so my gut feeling was right. nobody likes him. and for what reason, i guess i don't even bother to care. because hearing all those things from people who hardly knew the guy, made me feel sick to my stomach. it made me miss him in a way i've never missed him before.
i really felt like an outsider yesterday. though i attempted to blend in as much as i could.
i'm sorry, but my mother has never been my best friend (let alone a friend), and never will be. you can judge me for it, i really don't care.
it's times like these i need someone to tell me i'm not crazy for being so crazily in love with you. :( Saturday, October 13, 2007
friday, wishing for monday
i wish i could wake up tomorrow morning only to realise it's monday. or even sunday - i'd be glad enough already.
i'm dreading later when everyone puts on their masks and pretends everything's alright. and the misery started just now, in the evening.
the boy came half way through dinner, and my mom offered him to join us for dinner. i thought she was being nice. for those who don't know, my parents really dislike my boyfriend. of 2 and half years.
my dad's face went black. everyone (except me) acted so awkward at dinner. then when the boy went to the restroom to wash his heands before settling down to eat, the mother mumbled to the father, "you know what, i'm tired of being the middle-man". as if i didn't hear her.
and all that while i chose to be oblivious, and was smiling happily. because he was there. :)
he gave me nervous glances from across the table. and didn't even dare touch half of the spread that was all across the table. i felt so bad. so guilty.
but when the parents left the dining table, me, my sis and him eased up immediately. it's honestly the first time my sis had said a WORD to him. yes, she used to hate him too.
don't ask me why, because i seriously can't understand it either. yes, we had quite a big issue during the first 6 months that we were dating and then he explained all to my mom and apologised immensely (long story, nevermind).
there we were, the 3 of us, enjoying our ramly burgers and kebab wrap. :D
sending him off was pretty painful.
i seriously just wanted to run away and never look back.
after he left, i overheard my dad complaining about one of the neighbours. then my mom remarked, "then why don't you go tell her yourself? i'm sick of being the middle-man - with my family... with THAT, THAT BOY WHO CAME JUST NOW..."
i instantly teared up, and i felt completely torn inside. i still do.
i just don't fucking get it.
are they really holding a grudge against him for something that happened over 2 years ago?!
and he even apologised and has been sucking up to them ever since!
visiting my mom at her bazaars, making small talk, buying her dinner, coming for hari raya...
he's the best thing that's happened to me in my life, and honestly speaking, if the day ever comes when we finally decide to make our relationship LEGAL, and they refuse to give their blessings, i'm still going ahead with it.
with or without their acknowledgement/blessings/presence.
i'm just saying. IF.
my family - no, PARENTS - just hates it when i really love something or someone that i get so ridiculously intoxicated by just their mere presence in the same room. they think there's something wrong with me. i'm serious.
i hate them. Friday, October 12, 2007
salam aidilfitri
hari raya's tomorrow, but since i know i will probably be MIA (form this blog) this weekend, here's wishing all muslim friends, family and blog readers SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!!!
i'm not particularly looking forward to this year's hari raya, due to family "dinsintegration". but i'm just glad that fasting is over! i can finally eat!
speaking of which, the boy's personally riding over later to pass me my ramly burger. YAYY!
been craving for it the entire fasting month, and i can't believe i didn't get it sooner. :)
my mom's sambal goreng, friend chicken, lodeh, lontong and all things delicious smells... heavenly right now! dinner's in about 10 minutes. hee. :D
i'm going to miss you, nasser! hope i get to see you at nenek's (grandma's) house, at least!
as with all years, i seek forgiveness from those i have wronged, intentionally or not. i'm only human and i know i may not always realise how i hurt you with actions i carry out and words i speak, but please forgive me and hope we can move on to a better year ahead.
have a good holiday ahead, people! i'll see you in a few days. Wednesday, October 10, 2007
sleepless
no, i haven't just woken up. in fact, i've been up since 6.15 a.m. YESTERDAY MORNING.
that makes about 27 hours or so? for now.
this damn report is killing me, and guess what? i'm still not done!
yes, i'm digressing by blogging now, but seriously, i'm a complete blank and if my head were to touch a pillow, i think i'd sleep till midnight or so. hah!
unfortunately, i don't have the luxury of doing that. i have to get this done by today, and hand it in before heading out to help the mother at 5 p.m. later. pooey.
oh well, i think i'll just take a quick shower now, get a couple of winks and continue with this stoooopid report till it's done!
i can't wait till that nano-second comes. :( Monday, October 08, 2007
october outlook
this month is important in so many ways.
obviously hari raya's just next weekend.
4 deadlines to meet over the next 2 weeks.
exams.
but i'm not going to whine about it. for now.
i went to east coast with the boy today but it was just our luck that a torrential downpour started around lunchtime. and to think it was fucking hot the entire week!
in the end, we couldn't lay out our mats and enjoy the sea breeze. and instead, waded in ankle-high water (yes, it was FLOODED) around mcdonald's, dashed through the thunderstorm, got soaking wet and played arcade games while the we waited for the rain to pass. sigh.
we did manage to do about 2 hours of cycling before noon, though. so not a total loss after all. :)
i'm NOT looking forward to the report due on wednesday! just thinking about it makes me want to duck under the sheets, sleep and pretend it never existed and just fail the bloody assignment!
since i have nothing much to say that will make your senses tingle, i'll leave you with this picture that we took at the carpark, still semi-wet, dirty but in good spirits. :D
you never know
one thing i've learnt in the past week:
regardless of how long you've known a friend, there may still be something about them you've yet to discover. don't worry babe, i got your back. :)
of late i've been dying to get inked. maybe it's because of my babe planning on getting hers done soon. but after watching miami ink, i'm even MORE tempted. i'm not so much bothered by the pain, more of the permanence of having one on my body. for life, possibly (if i don't laser it off eventually). :-P
but yes, i really wish i could get inked.
i've got to get down to work! and studying! but the heat these days is giving me a constant headache. i'm serious. i just get throbbing headaches from merely walking out of the house to the bus stop in the sweltering 33 degrees.
for now, i just want hari raya to come and go. as quickly and painlessly as possible. Wednesday, October 03, 2007
waiting around
so i have about 3 hours to kill before i need to step out of the house.
planning to cut - no, CHOP - off my mane at monsoon, then head down to town to have an anniversary dinner at straits kitchen, hyatt. and hopefully, mayybe, bump into nasser at takashimaya. hee.
the only thing i'm looking forward to, is getting rid of my frizz and split ends and treating myself to the 'buffet-binge'. not even the prospect of seeing him is making me tingle. don't ask me why.
i dreamnt of her last night. and she was smiling. and it felt so close to real.
if i were your friend, i'd tell you that you're not ready; there's just not enough of you to go around. you'd be better off a bachelor. i'm serious. Monday, October 01, 2007
the weekend
this weekend was good. went out and stayed out, pretty much for 2 whole days. :)
tomorrow's our 2 and half year mark and i can't wait for dinner at hyatt on wednesday! looking back at all the tears of joy and sorrow, all was worth it. i know i've told You this already, but i really think we're getting better and better at this.
our arguments don't escalate unneccesarily and we resolve most squabbles within minutes. it's awesome how much we've worked our asses off to get this far. and it's even greater that we were able to overcome issues within and between ourselves as well as those including third parties. who knows?
maybe this is the last relationship i'll ever need. :D
cheers to Us and 30 months!
i even found the time to spend quality time with my cousin, nasser, on friday. thanks for helping me with my profile story. as usual we pretty much acted like retards around each other, but nevertheless, we loved every minute of our spastic selves. :)
