"hello-pello"
hmm... i forgot who termed this very fun way of greeting someone. was it tong or farhan (also known as "farri-parri"/"farhan-parhan")? we were so adorable back then. and to think it all happened about a year ago. our last year as pre-U students... and still as playful and lame as ever. SHAI-PIE! haha, just going through the memories of 2004, which has no real reason as to why.
anyway, this entry is in here because i'm bored... and my whole CPU has been changed. which means my hard drive is brand new. yup, it crashed on me the night before last. couldn't even get the freaking computer started. just a beeping sounding and a blank screen. -_- so now all my music and pictures... hehe. Gone. i'm praying my dad can help me recover it though. he's done it before, so i hope i'm lucky again. at least now, i don't have a lagging granny at my fingertips and it goes... ZIP! haha... told you i'm bored.
okay, i better stop here. oh yea, during my driving lesson today, i almost fell asleep behind the wheel because i just ate my lunch and it was like 3.45 pm. what do you expect? duh. anyway, i got an instructor that i've never met before, and i don't like him really. he gave me soooo many instructions at one time, i couldn't even focus on the road. i just kept checking my blindspots like he told me. then he would scold me when i didn't go into the right lane. LIKE HELLO? maybe it would help if you shut up and let me drive???
some people.
i can't wait to see You. can You see me squirming in my seat already? ^_^ Monday, June 27, 2005
cursed
i'm totally jinxed.
i just came back from KL, and the entire trip there i was having a high fever. only on the morning of the last day, my fever finally went down, and now i'm on the road to recovery. nice eh? so i didn't get to enjoy shopping, or the cheap food, or even just feel good about being there. i felt like shit the whole time. out of the whole trip, i only managed to get myself an Emily the Strange wallet, t-shirt and sling bag. it's strange they don't sell the merchandise here in Singapore. or maybe i don't open my eyes big enough. oh well, whatever it is. i LOVE the new bag.
Lost Emily
Which Emily Strange are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i argue with You almost every night. and i thought my absence away from all of it would settle things down, or put everything into perspective. for me, somehow it did - i realised i can't live without you. but i don't know. last night, the tone in your voice was so cold, it stung. that was why it was so hard for me to say ANYTHING. because You kept putting me down - saying how i kept disappointing You. that really hurt me. so i shut up, so i won't upset you further. because i can't bear it. i don't want to hear it.
and one of the reasons why i didn't call You while i was away, was because, the first night i called You, You blew me off. i was just asking You if You had received my message and You complained to me that You were shagged and tired. i was merely asking, nothing more. to spend time and money calling You, only to hear You talk to me like that really pissed me off, and hurt me even more. but i just shook it off. even i had had a bad day, and i forced myself to sound cheery just to talk to You; i didn't want to sound naggy or bratty. but i guess my efforts were pointless.
like many things i try doing for countless other people. all pointless.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
didi darling!!! love her playing skills! too bad i'm only good at plucking... i have NO idea how to strum - that's why i LOVE my bass! (when i have enough $$ to get one of my own, that is!) *SOBS*
Posted by Hello
our drummer doing his thing! ermm.. well other than what he's best at - which is uhhh.. okay i shall not bitch here. :-P
Posted by Hello
fadhillah and me (trying!) to belt out a decent tune.. hehe.. but honestly, she's got great vocals. i feel intimidated everytime i have to do her back-up vocals. jeez.
Posted by Hello Monday, June 20, 2005
under the weather... again
this flu bug is freaking irritating. just when my sis and me have recovered... my mom caught it, then my dad... and now i'm starting to feel it again. damn! my throat's scratchy and my head's slightly pounding again... could you just die?!
and to add to that, the family will be driving up to KL this Wednesday morning for my sis's Skate Malaysia 2005 competition. not really a holiday... just for the sake of her ice-skating. oh well, i have to drag myself along by FORCE and i have no idea what the hell i'm supposed to do there because the competition starts on Thursday, all the way till Sunday, when we drive back down home again. so i can forget about shopping that's for sure. sometimes i wish she didn't want to partake in soooo many events. jeez... -_-
AND ADDING TO THAT, that means i can't see my Yogi for 2 weeks because this weekend i'll be away - so we'll only get to meet next, next weekend. i'll try and ask my mom permission to spend that ENTIRE Saturday with you, okay? on the brighter side, thank you my dear for the necklace, though it was really not needed just so that i can remember you and miss you always. i truly appreciate it. and i WILL carry around that picture we took, because it's WAY better than the first time.
as always, i disappointed you again by not opening up to you, by having me be with people you don't really feel comfortable about. but all i can assure you is, i will always love you and ONLY YOU. being emotionally vulnerable to you was much, much harder than i thought. so hard that it pains me to know i can't be so open with you as you are with me every single night before i sleep - till the point that i have no words left to say but cry myself to sleep. it's like an internal tug-of-war; i want to, but i shall not. and hearing the tone of desperation and disappointment in your voice only breaks me further. i can only offer you a sincere apology for now, and an assurance that i will learn to open myself more over the months.
I'M SO SORRY. :-( Tuesday, June 14, 2005
my theory of practical love VS. romantic love
Love.
just the word would seem to suggest many things. first thing that comes to mind would be the intense emotions that come with it. but then again, i've come to realise people can Love for two main reasons. they can love because they truly appreciate, adore and are "obsessed" with how beautiful a person is on the inside - that's when you fall in Love. the other reason is out of duty, obligation and a person's rightful role to do so. i hope i can safely say that once a married couple stay wedded for more than a couple of decades, this kind of Love will overrule romantic Love.
at this stage of my life, i still wish to feel the passion and "naive" compulsions of romantic Love, because God only knows i (or anyone else for that matter) won't be able to feel or react that way when i'm what... 30? i couldn't really care if i get infatuated at this stage or if i really fall in Love. but the Love that i wish to express and hope to get in return is romantic Love. not a Love out of duty, obligation and out of the status that my significant other "HAS TO DO SO". because once a partner starts Loving you that way, especially when youth can only be enjoyed for so long, romance dies. sparks fade. and Love will no longer be a beautiful experience. it will transform into a job. a routine.
please don't let that happen. Sunday, June 12, 2005
a change of heart
i WAS going to come in here typing about the slightly above average weekend i had. then 1 hour is all it took to change my mind.
why do people always intrude into my private space so just that i can do their petty work for them? it ruins my high mood, and i end up black. inside.
that aside.
at least i bumped into one of my hunns on saturday. carine!!! wee... hehe. sorry i couldn't stop for a proper chat; the place was too crowded. so there i was with Him, shopping. though we didn't get any ACTUAL shopping done. town was crazy this weekend. it made my head spin.
You made my head spin. giddiness. euphoria. i giggled so much because i enjoyed your company, as always. even if for a second, a minute, an hour. i had a thought - if you were to ever leave me, having a reason or not, i'll be extremely distraught, heartbroken and utterly disappointed. because i walked into this a cynic. and i was hoping you could be the one to change my mind. for now, you have. and i pray i'll never have to look back to those days.
5 days away to the audrenalin.
mom & dad at esmirada. love the smashing plates at 9 p.m. this time around i let my dad have the honour, since it IS his birthday. but usually i do the tantrum-throwing demonstration with a plate. heh.
Posted by Hello
PLEASE don't mind the unruly hair, oily face and so-unprepared pose. i just make do with whatever ugliness i have. but i love the smiles. ^_^
Posted by Hello Sunday, June 05, 2005
grinning
days have been treating me much better these past few days.
i've been rejected by NUS and NTU. but i'm moving on with Monash University. my grades aren't good enough for a degree with them yet, but i can take an advanced diploma in mass communication then go straight into the 2nd year of a journalism degree after a year. so the total duration will still be 3 years. school starts on the 7th of July for me. so better enjoy the rest of my holidays when i can.
i didn't get to spend time with You in two weeks, but we definitely made up for time loss by seeing each other on friday and saturday. and it was sheer Bliss. as always. it's always reassuring, romantic, sweet and just seemingly endless. i know You wanted to sweep me off my feet by doing something unforgettable. and the river boat ride was definitely one i wouldn't forget. i honestly had NO idea where you were taking me, but i turned all "blushy" when we finally got there. and those confessions you whispered into my ear, as you serenaded me with our moments of happiness as well as insecurity, flashed me back to our very first date. and instantly, i felt gratitude. a warm fuzzy feeling overcame me, and i couldn't have been more in Love. i just melted in your embrace as you held me strong and kissed my forehead. i'll never forget what you did for me that night. those two days, you showed me what i really meant to you, and i can only hope for more memories like those to come. although i know i still have a few dark secrets that i have yet to confess; i promise i will open up my heart to you in time to come. soon.
I PROMISE.
i love you like nobody has, and nobody will. ever.
and i'm praying i'll be the last.
on another not so "mushy" note, i think the flu bug's going on its rounds again, and i just got struck with a fever. crap.
and best of all, my wallet's getting a little (though not much) fat. at least it's something to take me through the Great Singapore Sale for now. wee... shopping!!! (ronn, you getting any luck in feeding you wallet?)
i miss my hunns. i miss my Yogi. i miss feeling this good.
