funny little shit
okay, nothing is little when the problem you have is huge. especially if it's close to your heart. but it is funny when you think life is just about settled down for you, and you hear news that shocks and hits you smack in the head.
or heart in this case.
it's so depressing to know people in your life can be so heartless, especially when you've already formed an opinion of them that's pretty positive. then they screw up big time, and you realise that they're not as perfect as you thought.
i don't know if the person affected knows who i'm talking about, but whatever it is, if you want to rave, vent or just need anything, i'm here. though i'm quite useless most of the time, i just like to think of it as, "i know how it feels".
have i ever told you?
sundays are my most depressing days out of the entire week.
go figure. Thursday, July 27, 2006
tears
m. night shyamalan's 'lady in the water' is not your typical shyamalan film.
it's meant to be a bedtime story that shyamalan wrote for his kids. oh boy, what a nightmare these kids will have. but they're lucky they have a dad with such wild imagination.
all i can say is, without revealing too much, it's a touching, compassionate story about the human spirit. and like all bedtime stories, it comes with a moral:
everyone here has a purpose. God has created his children with every intention of fulfilling a destiny. and sometimes, although we may not know what our purpose here is in our early years, it might just take a complete stranger to walk into our lives to unlock the hidden beautiful qualities we never knew we possessed.
there a few (some would say) 'cheap scares', but i think overall, the storyline is heart-wrenching enough for me. i cried, 'nuff said.
next on our list, 'the lake house'. right honey? :)
after all the tears of 5 nights, i want it to stop. please baby. stop it.
it really hurts.
i love You.
heavily broken
i wanted to tell You of my day.
i wanted to tell You of my day.
i wanted to tell You of my day.
the good, cheap sushi.
the jokes in class.
the spicy calamari after school.
i wanted to tell You of my day.
so.so.so.so.so.so.so.
bad.
but i didn't.
we didn't let me. Tuesday, July 25, 2006
truth be told
truth be told, i'm actually sitting here with a damn painful stomachache since i finished dinner. and i doubt it's due to dinner. my stomach's slow in reacting to the extra spicy indian food i had at komala's today, must be. part of me wants to run into the bathroom and sit there till the pain goes away. another part of me knows that even IF i sit there, the pain won't go away. help.
me in pain. much much pain.:(
truth be told, the only reason why i get pissed fuming mad with my baby, and overreact ALOT, is because i miss him so. as i have come to the conclusion, it's far better to hate someone that miss them terribly. so folks, it's not always true when they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". but i am truly sorry for being so uncontrollable these past few days. well, i guess You got to see it in a positive light: the more often i'm pissed with You, the more i miss You... ? heehee. (i'm just trying to excuse myself ^_^) and by the things You did for me today, i can tell that You truly DO love me too much.
sometimes it's good, sometimes bad. but all in all, i don't mind one bit.
i'm a happy hamster. :D
but can You promise me something?
promise me we'll never become my parents.
please? Sunday, July 23, 2006
tired eyes
in what seems eons, i actually managed to FORCE myself to read more than half of a super, uber boring sci-fi book.
and i went even further than half!
i literally glued my eyes to that damn book the entire sunday, and then after sheer exhaustion, i passed out on my sister's bed. next to my cat. hah. ^_^
i still have 8 more chapters to go. i can do this. i will do this.
i still have loads of notes to read, and chapter 14 of social psychology. gasp! it's sooo long.
another day of being a bookworm tomorrow. sigh.
the O.C. is sooo freaking addictive. how can anyone say it sucks? and how can the ratings possibly dip in US? thank God for downloads. i'm at episode 7. and the rest are on its way to my hard drive. hee.
summer & seth are the cutest on-screen couple i know. and their real-life relationship, which recently led to an engagement, is totally adorable.
i wish we could become like them. :) Friday, July 21, 2006
end of week 1
sigh.
it's been a good 3 days at school. a shock of information to the system - not forgetting the yet again, early hours of waking up to catch the bus - but still, pretty good.
but i hate the clash of assignment due dates. for 2 of my modules, i have 2 due on the 11th of august, and on the 11th of september, i have 3 assigments due! shit! and what's worse, now i REALLY have to read a text.
after the 6 years of taking literature and getting through those years by lots of loopholes in order to understand the text, revenge has sought me out.
for one of my communications modules, i have to read a SCI-FI novel in just ONE BLOODY WEEK. it's called 'do androids dream of electronic sheep?' by philip k. dick. shit. sci-fi out of all genres? shit. shit. shit. i tried reading one chapter before showering just now, and i did. but then i slept. haha. just passed out on the bed, with book still in hand. what a laugh. how am i supposed to finish reading this bloody boring book?
pushing my misery aside, i had my first psychology lesson today, and i must say, it's uber interesting. we started with social psychology and of course i could go on describing the different tests that we observed on this uber old video, but all i can conclude is, people are strange creatures. i'm beginning to think i prefer psychology to communications. i'm almost thinking of taking up masters in counselling. heh. but of course, i'll think of that when the time comes.
this weekend i need to start reading up on my materials, and try to read that damn boring book.
all while trying not to miss You. Tuesday, July 18, 2006
but You didn't.
You DID have time to see me.
but You DIDN'T.
and You lectured ME about spending time with each other.
i'm effing pissed. i was effing bored at home. and You left me here.
to rot.
now i have to make do with just effing breakfast tomorrow??!
what the F.
what the effing F.
sleeping like spoons
i didn't know what it meant when i first read it.
but now i do.
and i'd like to highlight:
50. Sleep like spoons.
yea, it's awesome sleeping that way. the warmth that radiates. the soothing breathing down my neck.
i feel the safest and most loved with You.
this is in reference to nora's blog:
i know the deep desire to have kids, with someone you can see yourself spend the rest of your life with. that's exactly how i feel about him right now, though many may find this thought far too premature and rash. but feelings will be feelings, and it's something every woman will eventually feel the need to do: to bear children.
now, i'm not talking about pointless, erotic, "pleasure-sake" sex. i'm talking about procreation - the birth of a new life, that you and your partner can nurture. i really don't know why i'm even feeling so strongly about wanting to start a family NOW, but it's there. somewhere. and to be honest, i find it so scary sometimes. okay, not sometimes - ALOT OF THE TIME.
maybe i'm just too bored. but i'd like to think it as, "i'd love my baby to be the One. and no one else."
things are slowly falling... into place
well, i'm officially an undergrad. finally after the huge failure of the A-Levels, i can breathe a sigh of relief and somewhat see a clearer future. not happy or content as yet, but SOMEWHAT clearer.
the schedule looks pretty tight, but this is what i've wanted for so long - the two things i always wanted to study: psychology & communications. and now i get to do both. ^_^
i really want to get offered honours. sigh. but we'll talk about that when the time comes.
***
maybe it's just me, but i feel this way quite alot. sorry, honey. but yes, being mad at you helps me erase the pain and hollow feeling of you not being there. it's just so much more easier to cope with.
what do you think? Sunday, July 16, 2006
a deep sense of sadness
when i woke up this morning, i felt so sad.
why?
because i don't know when i'll see my honey again.
school's starting tomorrow, and i anticipate my schedule to be hectic.
i don't know HOW hectic, but enough to keep me busy.
i don't know why.
but sundays are the most depressing days for me.
sundays are the days i think about my baby the most, out of all the 7 days of the week.
yeah, i bet You didn't know that. now You do.
now i have the new snow patrol album spinning on my stereo, and it's so bittersweet.
and it makes me feel even more lonelier.
how pathetic can i get?
it didn't help that i came across carine's blog and i saw this - 50 ways to love your partner. as i already tagged on her message board, i actually teared when i read the list. again, i have no clue as to why. but i love it.
(hope you don't mind dearie. the list just struck me.)
1. Love yourself first.
2. Start each day with a hug.
3. Serve breakfast in bed.
4. Say " I love u" every time you part ways.
5. Compliment freely and often.
6. Appreciate and celebrate your differences.
7. Live each day as if it's your last.
8. Write unexpected love letters.
9. Plant a seed together and nurture it to maturity.
10. Go on a date once every week.
11. Send flowers for no reason.
12. Accept and love each others' family and friends.
13. Make little signs that say "I love u" and post them all over the house.
14. Stop and smell roses.
15. Kiss unexpectantly.
16. Seek out beautiful sunsets together.
17. Apologize sincerely.
18. Be forgiving.
19. Remember the day you fell in love and recreate it.
20. Hold hands.
21. Say " i love you" with your eyes.
22. Let her cry in your arms.
23. Tell him you understand.
24. Drink toasts of love and commitment.
25. Do something arousing.
26. Let her give you directions when you're lost.
27. Laugh at his jokes.
28. Appreciate her inner beauty.
29. Do the other person's chores for a day.
30. Encourage wonderful dreams.
31. Commit a public display of affection.
32. Give loving massages with no strings attached.
33. Start a love journal and record your special moments.
34. Calm each others' fears.
35. Walk barefoot on the beach together.
36. Ask her to marry you again.
37. Say yes.
38. Respect each other.
39. Be your partner's biggest fan.
40. Give the love your partner wants to receive.
41. Give the love you want to receive.
42. Show interest in the other's work.
43. Work on a project together.
44. Build a fort with blankets.
45. Swing as high as you can on a swingset by moonlight.
46. Have a picnic indoors on rainy days.
47. Never go to bed mad.
48. Put your partner first in your prayers.
49. Kiss each other goodnight.
50. Sleep like spoons. (this i don't get. heh.)
well, the ones in bold are those we are already doing, and are still learning along the way. 28 out of 50 ain't bad at all. hee. about putting him in my prayers, i do even without having to say it. up till the moment i drift off to sleep, he's on my mind. the instant i wake up and turn off my alarm, he's already on my mind.
i wish i could do so many other things with him.
"if i lay here. if i just lay here,
would you lie with me,
and just forget the world" - Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars' Saturday, July 15, 2006
it doesn't pay to be nice
anyone who agrees with me, raise your hands. okay, i see one... two... hmm, pretty good - more hands than i expected. :-P
moping in the house on one of my bad or moody days gets me into this,"don't show that face around the house... you go around the house moping... like one kind!" but when the other 3 members of this shelter do it, they can carry on dragging their sagging chins till they scrape the floor and bleed, for all they care.
yup.
of course, nothing beats my baby's company, but when i'm home, my sis is the only person i can really talk to. i'm not pathetic, not dependent on her... i'm just close to her out of everyone else here, that's all. but recently, she's been so oblivious of me. like i can stand there, say "hi" or just make a random comment, and she will either:
(a) reply but not look at me
(b) say nothing at all
at first i just shrugged it off, because i knew she was under lots of stress from her gymnastics competition and school. i even supported her, and gave her space. but even after the competition's over, she still treats me like dirt.
and when i tell her how she's reacting, she tells me i'm just overreacting, petty, or that she didn't even notice. then she continues ignoring me.
what the fuck did i do to piss everyone at home?
what in my incompetent mind did i conjure into reality to shit-piss everyone the fuck off?
honestly, i am barely hanging on to my sanity here. my headaches are growing from bad to worse, till the point that i wouldn't mind if i had a tumour in my head just growing and feeding off my lack of substance i have up there.
i don't know where the headaches are coming from. but i'm seriously sick. not "flu bug" sick, but sick in the head. insomnia and loneliness are my best friends, besides the ever-so-often phone calls from You. i wish i had enough money to go visit a shrink.
so many people have said i'm too tolerant for my own good. i'm too fucking nice. i take all kinds of shit and don't say a word. i remember once, oh yes, my girlfriend told me, "i won't be surprised if one day you just lose it... like a major break down. you gotta take care of yourself, k. i really wonder how you do it." maybe she's right.
but maybe i haven't stood up for myself yet because i have no guts.
i'm a wuss.
i admit.
i'm a fucking wuss. Wednesday, July 12, 2006
THE Black Sheep
it's official.
I AM THE BLACK SHEEP of this place.
i broke down to my baby while we were having lunch, and i am so so sorry.
but i cannot possibly ignore what's going around me constantly.
i think about it all the time, and it makes me sick. with jealousy. with rage. with bitterness.
i hate this place. i despise it, detest it, REPULSE IT.
i just want to be with You, and only You. Tuesday, July 11, 2006
fatigued beyond comprehension
gosh. i didn't know the late nights of world cup would hit me back this hard.
i already had insomnia prior to the world cup, and the football fever made it worse!
now i'm surviving on 4 or 5 hours of sleep every night. and my body's slowly, but painfully telling me that it's going to give way soon.
i don't do much in the day to tire myself out, due to the fact that i'm already "zombified" from the lack of sleep. but it's the lack of sleep that has pushed my body to stay alert and awake for almost 20 out of 24 hours everyday.
the circles under my eyes are horrible and i can hardly keep my eyes open when i'm sitting down doing nothing for more than half an hour. headaches come and go. cramps stab at me for no reason. there's loss of appettite. depression. loneliness. which means i have no choice but to keep myself active. which is hard.
chilling out at my girlfriend's place today was refreshing. good company's always a prize. we watched fast and furious, pigged out on mac's and watched mtv in between.
she even showed me some of the interesting knick-knacks she has in her place. ;-)
of course, what is chill-out time without gossip? hee.
i couldn't stop thinking of my honey the whole day today.
i wonder why.
not like i don't think of him any other day.
but today was intense.
hmm.
so much sadness... just too much
maybe i've been such an artist at hiding my feelings for so long, that they've come to push at the surface and now, long for attention.
that's how i've been feeling these past few days.
there's just so much to be sad about.
firstly, france lost. and not in such a grand way as they should have, if they have to. what the hell was zidane thinking? if only you controlled your temper and saved it for penalties, my dear.
and barthez, where did your reflexes go? gosh.
then there's school, money and the good ol' licence. yea, those buggers keep creeping into my head 24/7.
and this issue and that, with my baby. ouch, it hurts.
i've felt so sad lately, yet haven't shed a tear.
until tonight. all the walls came down.
and i cried my eyes out till the bags were purple, black and blue.
you name it. i looked pretty fucking ugly.
no sleep. depressed. and experiencing a sense of loss due to the fact that world cup's over.
i really have no idea where all this depression is coming from. it can't be PMS, because that time has already passed.
i want someone to hold. just a shoulder to cry on. but there's no one.
as always. Sunday, July 09, 2006
portugal's made me proud
in spite of the all the drama and accusations that cristiano ronaldo brought to the pitch, i adore him - not for his looks, but for his determination and swift skills during the match.
portugal may not have played their best during the previous 2 games, but last night, they did me proud. yes, it was pretty careless of petit to score an own goal, but hey, that did not dampen their spirit. they went home with a goal against germany, which speaks of good sportsmanship and passion about the game, not the fame.
it is a pity that luis figo will end his appearance in international football, because he was my hugh jackman of football throughout the world cup. hee. 4 years ago, it was turkey's ilhan mansiz who kept me glued to the screen. hee.
all in all, portugal's got the goods. now we're all looking to scolari, to see if he will continue his coaching with them. i hope he does. portugal's really made me proud, and the fact that they managed to enter the semi-finals after 40 years, is a great achievement by itself. i take my hat off to them. kudos.
i used to think cristiano ronaldo was pretty cocky, but somehow lately, he's pushed aside that "stuffed up" attitude, and focused all his heart and soul on the game. that's what won my respect for him. now, as a hot guy, and as a player with awesome footing. heeeeeee.
i hope i see them again in south africa 2010.horray for portugal. my heroes for FIFA World Cup 2006. :)
one of my loves
besides rattling on about my obvious love - my honey - it suddenly crossed my mind that i have another love.
my childhood craze over Sailormoon. yes, that annoying anime with a ditzy moon princess with friends who make far better moon sailors than she ever will be! hah. but out of sheer boredom i logged in to youtube.com, and was randomly surfing through what videos could be interesting to kill time till my sis gets home. so there i was, clicking and watching.
then i came across someone who had posted the entire Sailormoon S - The Movie, in 6 parts, which only came up to an hour. so that was great! i always wanted to catch it (well, when i was like what... in Primary 4?). but still, after watching the entire movie, i surfed for the individual episodes, and i found out that loads of people still watch it. i'm talking about 23 year old people here. and i was in better luck, because all the episodes were dubbed in english!
so i'm going to continue reliving my childhood love for Sailormoon, and hopefully my growling stomach doesn't have to wait too long for lunch (where is my sis??? she should be home by now!).
by the way, if any of you haven't watched Scary Movie 4, it's hilarious. slap stick funny, but good brainless fun. and it makes a pretty good spoof of the creepy boy from Ju-On. :) Thursday, July 06, 2006
superman returns
after watching what i thought would be a scammish rekindlement of childhood idolism - the role model being superman - i i obviously thought wrong.
it ain't that bad, truthfully. other than the fact that it was 2 hours 40 minutes long, and having a short attention span (like a cat, my baby said), of course i got fidgety (is there such a word?). the effects are almost breathtaking, till i wished that i could materialise my dream of actually flying without any aid of an aeroplane or a pair of wings.
kate bosworth plays lois lane, and you can see she's trying to break the mould of "damsel in distress". sadly enough, she hardly breaks through, only creating a crack in that mould. her 'act tough' display fails to convince, at least me, that she's worthy of being the strong, independent leading heroine of the movie. yes, of course there are some parts that are truly "inspiring" but it's the overall storyline of compassion, faith and the discovery of superman's roots as well as his future (you'll know what i mean if you've watched it) that really sends this story piercing through one's heart.
it is this familiarity that we can all relate to, and adds a human touch to the all-mighty and supposedly indestructible superman. Tuesday, July 04, 2006
tears of regret and pressure
i don't wish to cry anymore over the fact that i'm so incapable of passing my TP, even after the 3rd attempt.
but when people start asking me what the fuck i did to screw up, i can't help feeling smaller and smaller, to the point of being useless.
this is the 4th time i've broken down in tears today. and i have a feeling it's not going to be the last. i have no fucking idea why i can't hold myself together.
i know there are other people out there who've taken this fucking test more than 5 times, but still people don't expect me to be like them. and i know mainly because i'm throwing good money down the sink. i haven't felt so miserable about any kind of failure since i let my baby down - my failure to be faithful to him.
this is more than just getting a licence. it's about living up to people's standards. about not wasting your family's money. about telling people you are useful for something.
ultimately, for me, about reassuring myself that i'm not a failure at everything i do.
officially in a rut
don't ask about my TP.
that's one thing.
2ndly, due to my TP, now i have literally no cash on me. so all you idiots who wish to rob me, go ahead. you'll probably only find 20-cent coins on me.
i have no fucking idea how i'm supposed to survive this month.
i can't buy food. damn, i have barely enough to top-up my ez-link.
and it's only the fourth of this month.
i'm so screwed.
but i'm not about to crawl to mummy and daddy for more $$.
neither my friends nor my honey.
that's just petty.
i know i can do this.
i accept the consequence of not passing. and so it shall be:
me, and my hungry wallet.
*note: kuzzie nas, if you're reading this, please don't tell anyone of my results. please. i don't need the extra guilt. i know i already let lots of people down. so, as a favour, please don't say anything. Monday, July 03, 2006
in need of a hug
there are times when you wish you could be strong for yourself. but you simply can't.
this is one of those times for me.
why does it seem that everyone's having some sort of serious "life-changing" situation now?
especially in the area of relationships/friendships.
the ones that hurt the most.
dinner was scrumptious. but the news we had to hear was horrible. just horrible. for the stomach and the ears.
i shall not be the one who leaks private affairs out, but let's just say... it's going to be tough to handle.
and to think my sis bluntly stated, "it's hereditary".
after i explain to You, baby, You'll know what she meant.
i was almost evil enough to let out a pop of laughter at the table, because it's funny how sad stories are at times.
because it can possibly be, a situation where the person who's the bringer of bad news, is still in such a situation him/herself. yet, they tell no one of their own story.
yet, i secretly know. and i giggled inside. while i bowed down at my breaded chicken drumstick, and grinned.
debris
i'm still not over brazil's loss.
actually i WAS. until i came home from yoga, and wanted to take breakfast. only to see the headlines. :(
i wasn't over our petty squabble. but i am. very much.
because after coming across a friend's blog, for a moment i relived the pain, rejection and loss of losing someone you dearly love and treasure. this person's blog seemed so sad, bittersweet, yet full of hope and no regrets of unforgettable memories with their loved one.
and that's when i realised you can only have so many chances when you screw up BIG TIME. and i am extremely blessed that You gave me that chance.
and now we're better than ever.
You don't know how much that means to me.
my 3rd TP is tomorrow, at 9.15 a.m. anyone want to see me fail? :)
*okay, i know ALL my recent entries have been so melodramatic or mushy or pretty self-centred. but what am i to do? i'm on hols which, i find, are far too over-stretched. i want to start schooling. and do something useful with my lack of brain power. :) Sunday, July 02, 2006
happiness never lasts
as with all things good, happiness has to come with an end. or with some bad news to balance it out.
and with the 2 things that were good news to me in the wee hours of this morning, it came with 2 things to be depressed about.
when i woke up this morning, after only 4 hours of sleep from staying loyal to the world cup, it hit me once again that brazil didn't make it. it's been such a long time since i've been emotionally attached to any kind of sport, and this morning, suddenly at the end of the 90 minutes of play time, i nearly broke out in tears.
brazil. brazil. braaaaazil. what the hell happened?
now i'm sure germany has a much higher chance of getting the cup. and many people have predicted, the finals to end up as germany VS. france.
my portugal. arrrrgghhh.
with the way the french were playing last night, it's no wonder the spanish lost to them. and portugal will too. i strongly sense.
another thing to be depressed about this morning, well, let's just say, my baby knows.
it's bad enough i was pretty tired, let alone be woken up by the sound of discontent and spite.
sundays seem to be the day of calling, when hidden secrets explode out in the open and it's no longer called a "rest day" under this roof.
now You know, honey, why Your heart is where i call home.
it always will be, away from this peace forsaken place.
blessings
2 good things to smile about in the wee hours of today.
1st up, it's 15 months for me and my baby.
i cannot fathom how i could have ever survived or lived through the past 1 year plus without You.
just when my life started to go awry and out of control, You came in... and held my hand while withstanding my whining, my flaws and my tantrums.
You truly are my very own miracle.
and for that, i am FOREVER grateful.
i love You Yasin.
muacks :D
2nd thing... PORTUGAL'S IN TO THE SEMI-FINALS AFTER 40 YEARS!!!!!
taa-taa to england... and double joy that beckham was substituted and rooney got sent off!
i'm not boy-crazy over cristiano ronaldo, but oh well. he did score the very last important goal in the penalty shoot-out, so kudos to him!!!
muahahaha!
next up, brazil VS. france.
brazil had BETTER win this. if not...
watching soccer with You would be so much better. but it's sweet enough to know that You're up too, and sms-ing me about the beautiful game. and to hear a happy anniversary wish from You just before 2nd half, is something i'll treasure. You are the sweetest. ^_^ Saturday, July 01, 2006
in reality
actually everything i portray to the world is what i'd like to believe were real.
my smiles. my "forever-happy" stories. my dreams. even pictures i post up here, sadly.
but in reality, i know, though home is where the heart is, my heart will never belong there. and neither will i.
that's another world. somewhere i don't wish to look back to as often once i get away from it.
for good.
my heart is where my baby's arms are. it always will be.
learning to accept a sin
no, this is not one of those blasphemious confessions like how many partners i've slept with, how i puked after getting stone drunk, or how i sold my soul to the devil. literally.
anyways, just for reassurance, i DON'T have THOSE kind of confessions. :D
this is just a state of mind i know i have been having for the past two years or so. and never really got to "accepting" it.
as many of you know, i am javanese. not malay. because if i WERE malay, my IC would state so. but of course, for convenience sake, in singapore, all people of a race close to that, are classified as "malay", in general.
if you look closely to articles in the newspaper, besides noticing muslim terrorist attacks on a global scale, you will find that youth-related crimes at home are mostly committed by malays. bike accidents. malay. we are like the (no offence to any coloured people who read this) "BLACKS" of our little island. crime is our "speciality".
my mom pointed this "trend" out to me over the past two years, and though i try to see around it, or give some reason behind it, i can't seem to. it boils down to our "heck care malay attitude", as she says. and don't worry, i'm not excluded. my mom has referenced me to having "no drive" and "just like a typical malay bum".
so yea, the whole point IS... i wish wish WISH i could disassociate myself from my own heritage. i like the culture. but the label that we have built for ourselves is truly unbecoming.
today, on my way back from BBDC, i took the bus. and since it is in the bukit gombak area, there were plenty of malays. i shook my head at the dismal character portrayed by the youths and even more so, the parents. we malays also have the tendency to marry early, and our maturity has not reached an appropriate level for settling down with a partner. let alone kids. before my eyes, i see a dysfunctional future for them.
sorry for being so pessimistic, and yes, some of you will utterly spite me for saying this supposed trash. but we have to face what's around us. you can tell me, "you were lucky to be born into a 'rich' family" or "you don't know how it's like to provide". yes, yes, yes. i've heard all of this before. i am simply stating things that i observe. and i'm not asking everyone to believe me.
this is an official disclaimer to proclaim that this is purely a piece of writing that is self-opinionated and has no ill-intent or hate crime motives.
at the end of the day, i am a malay.
i cannot run away from that.
but i always tell myself, i will never want to fall into that pit of misery, where 10 or 20 years down the road, a young malay girl looks at me, with the same thoughts i have on my mind now.
