I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Monday, May 28, 2007

last leg of the run

well, this is it.

the period before the exams.

*shivers*

i hate studying for the exams i tell you.

i kind of enjoy going to school and trying to imbibe the "all-sorts" of pish posh that lecturers try to relay to you, and at times, YES (!!!) - even the assignments. but only because it makes you look busy, and keeps you working hard.

but exams. pfft. i couldn't give a rat's ass if i could afford to!
after years of subjecting myself to education, i still have not acquired my "ideal" method of effectively studying for the exams. really.

i tried note-taking.
group studying.
mind maps.
reading.
listening.

nothing effing works.
i think i was just not built to sit for bloody exams.

and so, after all this, i decided to take everything in the best way i can.
which is practically rojak.

mix here and there.
see what fits.

and if the results are shit, i only have myself to blame.
because i am that bloody incompetent.

i highly doubt this time will be any better.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

near death

i now know how it feels to jump right out of your skin. quite literally. well, not really, but close.

too close.

a taxi halted to a stop at kerbside to respond to a potential passenger failing her arms along the roadside.a white Honda screeched to a halt just in time, inches behind the taxi's bumper.

and there we were. on a bike. and he jammed the brakes. a little late, but still in the nick of time.

not safe enough for me not to be flung over him though.

well, i didn't FLY, if that's what you're thinking.
i was "half-flung". if there's such a term.

and my heart stopped for a split moment.
"SHIT!" was my first word i managed after catching my breath.

"SORRY LAH!" was his way of reassuring me that we didn't die.

when we reached my place, i got off, pulled off my full-face helmet. and stormed away.

and i cried hot, hot tears.
i was scared shitless for my life for those brief 2 seconds my ass left that bike seat.

even as i'm typing now, my hands are shaking.
i always had a hunch i'd die in some freak vehicular accident.

but not this soon.

the part that hurts the most:
he didn't even bother going after me.
or wonder if i was scared shitless.

i feel like selling my helmet and gloves away.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

sweeeeet

5:10 A.M.

i'm officially DONE for all my assignments this semester!

done done done! effing done!

full throttle for the exams.

but first...

10 days of ecstasy.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

quickie

a quick say:

i just put up a world map (under my biography section, under 'Man') that shows parts of the earth that is currently experiencing daylight and night. it IS in real-time, so every few minutes of refreshing should update the image. enjoy!

i had a hard time finding singapore. oh, and if you wish to view a larger image of it, just click on the image. cheers! :)

one more. one more. one more.
wednesday. wednesday. wednesday.

Monday, May 21, 2007

the best

past 3 a.m. on a monday morning, and i finally decided to skip class later at 10 a.m.

only because i'm SCREWED.

but there's one thing - rather one thought - on my mind, that keeps me chugging along. and staying sane.

it's You.

because You're only the best i ever had.
ever.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

stereotyped

one thing i found out from just chatting with my sister 5 minutes ago, was that she places way too much emphasis on what people think of her.

and it's annoying the shit out of me. i know i shouldn't care because it's her bloody problem, and if she wants her world to revolve around what other people think/say about her, then it's her loss.

but we were talking about her future education path and although she may consider La Salle, because she LOVES fashion designing, she doesn't want to go down that road.

WHY?

many have told her La Salle has dumb people in it, so they have no where else to go.

and i asked why she believes this.
she said she doesn't.
BUT she doesn't people to think SHE'S dumb.

and the problem gets even more complicated because she's more inclined to maths and geography (trust me, she's really good). and she thinks that if she wants to be eligible for a scholarship, somewhere down the road, it'll be very important for her to go to a REPUTABLE school/institution.

this equates to, let's see (quote-unquote), "RJC and NUS".

i felt like tearing my hair out. throughout the entire discussion, she kept sticking to her conviction and blind belief that people will regard her as smart or consider her for a place for scholarship IF she comes from a reputable school/institution.

Fuck.

and she can still tell me as-a-matter-of-factly, "that's what my teacher said. he told all of us that".

is this what teachers are force-feeding our youths today?!

so i asked her, "so you mean all those from supposedly worse schools have never produced top students and down the road they don't become successful?"

she couldn't answer me.

all she kept saying, like a broken record was, "but everybody says that".

i really, seriously wonder who these "everybodys" are.

they deserve to get their brains skewered, cooked and lightly flavoured with pepper, "a la hannibal" style.
better served as food, since they're pretty much useless when functioning, anyway.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

long lost

imagine.

someone anonymously sent you a message on your cell that he/she is going to try and win back your current boyfriend/girlfriend.

you tell them to fuck off and that they were obviously left hanging because they weren't good enough.

then you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend.

and he/she is pretty much convinced that it MUST be HIGHLY LIKELY your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or even friend who's trying to stir a commotion. and when you refuse to drop the subject, your boyfriend/girlfriend just exclaims, "you're such a troublemaker".

what happens then?

for me, my heart broke into tiny, tiny pieces.

we used to be absolutely awesome together.
now, i just need some awesome ABSOLUT to get over this fucking shit.

Friday, May 11, 2007

done for this week!

it's minutes past 4 a.m. yes, here i am again.

but this time, i'm DONE DONE DONE for this week! my journalism news story is DOOONNNNEEE!!!

of course, there's next friday and the next next wednesday. but, oh bother!
think about that later!

and i have one person to thank soooo much!
my baby helped me vet through my story over the phone and we went through editing and fixing some paragraphs so it sounds more newsworthy.

he even came up with an awesome title!
"anorexia: the next global epidemic?"

and i used it. :D

i owe him BIG time, because he saved me LOADS of time.
i could've kissed him, if only he were with me. boo.

no worries, come sunday, you shall get your reward. hee.
^_^

sigh of relief.
i love my beau.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

lost romance

in this day and age, love is hard to find (well, it seems).

lust, infatuation, puppy love and crush. one thing they all have in common? they are highly likely, a phase, and a passing hype.

i read the straits times pull-out - URBAN (every thursday) - this morning. and there was a 2-page spread on men who seek date experts and coaches' professional advice and tutoring on how to snag that hot girl across the room. or just beside you.

it was ridiculously funny, utter rubbish, nonsensical and full of plenty of bullshit.

i can't really recall the name of the dating coach they interviewed or the guy who sought his help, but let's call them Dr. Wise Guy and Mr. Helpless. haha!

so Dr. Wise Guy did his thing with Mr. Helpless and coached him about reading women's body language, how and when to approach her, what to say and ask her, so that she'll give Mr. Helpless her number. then they headed to a bar and put Dr. Wise Guy's teachings to practice.

victim: a "bodylicious" vodka waitress.

Dr. Wise Guy first went to the BAR MANAGER to ask more about her. but the photographer (for the article) beat him (Dr. Wise Guy) to it, and scored! he got the waitress' phone number just by making casual chit-chat with her. -_-

later on, Dr. Wise Guy and Mr. Helpless did eventually get around to convincing her to give her number, but it was due to accumulating a tab for vodka shots, rather than putting his "suave" moves to the test.

BIG MORAL OF THE STORY?

i can tell you frankly, as a girl. maybe i can't speak for ALL girls. but, generally:

the BEST way to ever get a girl to even START feeling comfortable with you, say at a bar, club, restaurant, convention and the like, is to approach her with a mindset that's not in "dating gear". have self-confidence, yes. but not to expect that she will go out on date with you instantly. she just met you for God's sake! approach her as a friend, like you want to get to know her, be REALLY interested in HER - not her boobs, legs, lips, figure or the faint hope that she'll even sleep with you (just because you haven't had some in a LONG time).

i read on to see the rates at which these "professional date coaches" charge. OH MY LORD!

daylight robbery! extortionists!

don't we humans with (supposed) compassion and love, know how to even talk to a member of the opposite sex? are we getting that socially retarded?

it's scary to think that we need a middle man to do our romancing on our behalf. or to at least, teach us one of the most basic instincts of human nature.

animals know how to woo without any help!

no wonder guys are becoming less romantic, girls are wearing the pants in the relationship and most of the hottest chicks end up with lesser than average-looking guys.

(why, you ask? because they are the ones who are the most honest and down-to-earth when talking to a girl! they're not half of a pair of siamese twins with their dumbstick!)

there, i said it.

and since i'm on a roll (bear with me), what the fuck is up with using "GORGEOUS MODELS" for Deal Or No Deal? eye candy for guys, but does it have any relevance to the quarter of a million bucks hiding in the briefcases? absolutely NOT!

how about ladies who go on the show? why not put GORGEOUS MALE MODELS up there, huh? of course that won't happen, because only women are seen as "appropriate" spectatorship gaze. it seems.

how degrading, how how HOW... SEXIST! FUCKING SEXIST!
and i can't believe they made a trailer just focusing on what some of the male contestants say about the models! "they're beautiful", "yes, very pretty"... SHUT THE FUCK UP!

you got chosen so you can play the game, not fucking drool all over your perverted self on national television! and to think they put it on bloody prime time, when KIDS are possibly watching! family game show, my ass!

*i may get slammed for this post. but truthfully, it IS the truth. why are we women subjected to such positions in society? haven't we moved out of that stereotype that we are merely objects of desire, baby-popping machines and a man's personal whore who cooks, cleans and washes for him??!!

on a much, MUCH lighter note, i can't wait till the big 5. :)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

sighhh

you cannot imagine how good it feels to finish up 2 assignments, after all the torture.

at 6 a.m. this morning, i could switch off my desktop and call it a night. or morning. or session. or whatever. you know what i mean.

but of course, what is happiness if it doesn't end, eh?

when i drove to school to drop it in the box, i collected my psychology proposal, which had already been assessed.

and i freaking JUST passed. 5/10.

the marker said i was not very relevant, didn't approach the question correctly, blah, blah, blah.

but funny enough, i wasn't as demoralised as i would usually be.
i told myself, "i have no time to mourn, whine, sulk and complain. just pick up, and go."

and i did. *beams*

i still have 3 more assignments to go. in fact, this post is just a break from doing my journalism news story, which is due on friday. what joy.

anyway, i have my ways of cheering myself up, other than stuffing that orifice in my face (called a MOUTH), with chocolate. i browsed around YouTube, and found this soooo hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL1J68blFh4.

the song is by rihanna feat. jay-z, and called 'umbrella'. if you listen to the lyrics, it's about friendship and being there for him/her. but this guy just makes it sooooo GAY!!!

anyway, besides the point, this guy is awesomely funny, and yes, he may come off as quite "faggot-ish". but he made me laugh.

oh, so loud. :)

fly

so, here's the deal.

i wanted to give my baby a treat to 'a midsummer night's dream' at fort canning park on the 26th of may.

bought the tickets ($70 in total) and gave him the liberty and privilege of holding on to it.

he put it in his bike bag, and on his way home...

it flew like paper aeroplanes soaring into the sunset along the PIE.

i cried so hard when he told me.

not because he was stupid enough not to zip up his bag properly, but because it was my GIFT to him for our 25th month anniversary. and he just doesn't get it.

just me, him, the stars (i hope!) and a beautiful play. plus some tens of other people, yes i realise. BUT that's not the point. hmph.

so now, he's going to replace them.
i don't know if i overreacted.

this scares me more than anything before.
it seriously scares the shit out of me.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

1 down, handful more to go

i finally finished my communications policy essay last night at 2 a.m. but, of course, editing is something different altogether. phew!

now, to get to work on that damn media audiences proposal! i sympathise with those who have 3 assignments due the coming wednesday... yes eric! i'm talking about you. hee. well, i'm not off the hook the week after next you know - i have ANOTHER journalism assignment, while you can take a well-deserved break (even for a few days!) :-S

blekk. i haven't been getting much R&R this past week, getting all worked up about all these shit assignments and the bloody exams which span for the entire june! wtf.

i thank God for the little perks along the way, which i TRY my damn heardest to enjoy and just forget about everything, even for a few hours. but i usually fail. sigh.

i think i'm forgetting more and more how to let go.
all this tension. and streSSSSSSssssss. argh.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

spider-man 3

so now, i've officially joined the hype of the "great" third installment of spider-man.

judging from the reviews that i just read at Yahoo! movies (singapore site), i read a lot of sentiments that echoed my own. key words like, "tight", "morality", "rushed", "loss of focus", "exciting" and "ego" (just to name a few), rang in my head the moment the credits for the movie started rolling at the end.

let's start with the general feel of the movie. overall, it was pretty mediocre, in comparison to the first 2. the first one set the tone, making everyone revving up their action engines for more. the 2nd elaborated on the development of mary jane (MJ) and peter parker's (PP) relationship, and the introduction as well as end, of Doc Oc. the 3rd, now, hmm...

too many things crammed into 2 and a half hours. i know sam raimi (producer) wanted to bring out the best of spidey and his villains, as well as bringing light into PP's private domain - namely Aunt May and MJ. i won't mention any glaring spoilers here, because it's always better for you to watch the story unfold for yourself.

all i can say is, there are naturally brilliant action scenes with stunning CGI effects, but the focus of venom is taken away by other villains like The Sandman and Harry Osborn (everyone seems to be dubbing him as "Green Goblin Jr." - hilarious!). the climatic scene at the end attempts to do justice to the entire film, but barely. it's obvious the producer realised he was running out of time before the audience would start grumbling and fidgeting in their seats, so he packed all the main characters into the last 15 minutes, and tried to squeeze out some sort of "great battle of justice".

the after-taste i got was one of morality, human spirit and faith. the storyline deals with a whole range of human emotions, and to some extent, it does draw you in to be able to see from PP's/spidey's eyes. After a while though, you get sick of his ego and just wish someone could slap some sense into this "everyday next-door boy".

okay, enough of me rambling on and on. go watch it for yourself, if you haven't. it'd be great to know if you agree with me or not, because i think this is one of 2007's most hyped up, but disappointingly "semi-delivered" movies.

get out. speak up.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

towards the bed

glancing behind
i have to no choice, but
to reminisce

that night
we laughed
slept
hugged
touched

and stared
piercingly into each other's blindness

my fingers were my only guide
your lips i worshipped

the bed
our shrine