how it feels like wanting to stab yourself in thigh
words just cannot begin to describe the agony i feel right now.
i don't want to say much because it just brings me one step closer to losing my mind.
on the more "positive" side of my life, i'm falling more in love.
just when i thought i couldn't any longer.
there's no "butterflies-in-the-stomach" effect, but my heart still skips a beat.
i don't know where to go from here.
i'm lost as ever.
and feeling as useless and downright stupid than ever. Monday, November 24, 2008
to rip the past to shreds
that's what i did this weekend. i'm one of 'habitual nostalgia', which explains the amount of "junk" in my room from eons ago. i have no real reason to keep all these things, but it just seems like such a waste to get rid of them, especially knowing the next person you hand them over to, won't necessarily take great care of your ex-belongings the way you used to. :(
but for space's sake, i had to clear out shelves and drawers. and literally tear good photos of my 10-year-old self into confetti because i can no longer stand looking at myself at that age anymore. i cannot allow myself to relive the trauma caught through the lens and negatives. it's time i got rid of the childhood that i have been wishing i had.
although it's great to know, after 10 years, people from my primary school are still the same sweet bunch i remember them to be. thanks guys for a great reunion. :D we should hold that island creamery one soon!
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hello, my future.
bye, terrible past.
anti- or pro-feminist?
watched the latest bond film over the weekend, and it irked the shit out of me to see how anti-feminist it was. placing a (admittedly) hot chick next to bond for the sheer purpose of nothing, is so cliche and just doesn't click with the modern audience. to me, at least. maybe 10 years ago, movie goers cheered for bond to get the knickers off the ditzy, sultry female as quickly as possible, but last saturday afternoon, i was praying and hoping i won't have to witness such an overplayed and degrading replay of unarousing 'sheet-frolicking'. pfft.
i really wonder what significance she has in being by his side, other than merely living up to the 'classic' bond girl always sickeningly attached to bond's groin and lips wherever he lept and dove. in the end, (in this movie) they didn't end up in bed, so what other use is there for her? oh, yes, let her seek her own revenge.
erm, shouldn't that be another story altogether? let her star in her own movie or something.
there were no fancy gadgets. no slick, suave lines from bond.
no villain that was a mastery of his trade - in fact, quite pathetic when put next to the joker, honestly (taking over a country by controlling its water supply? C'MON! i'm sure there are things more evil than that!!!).
into the first 15 minutes of the movie, and i switched off, only looking forward to the explosive action sequences. that's it.
i'm aware they did not want to produce a run-of-the-mill bond movie, and this particular installment is a sequel to 'casino royale' - it's meant to be a continuation of what follows an hour after, in fact. however, it did not do any justice to the character and/or the legendary mark it's made for itself. it was sorely disappointing and just a whirl of confusion for me.
2.5 out of 5. Thursday, November 06, 2008
avenue Q
watching two shows in a week is quite exhilirating, especially when both are worth your scraps of cash while still being broke.
avenue Q was unexpectedly humourous, though i had a little sense of 'unsettlement' seeing two puppets "getting it on" onstage. it completely makes you look at the muppets and sesame street in a rather... disturbing way. the best part was the entire range of songs that covered issues that i strangely could relate to. and i'm only 22!
i don't think that's a very good thing. hmm.
the cast were very animatd with their puppets, and the singing was breath-taking! the characters are adorable, and i found the pair of 'bad idea bears' (BIB) the ones i can relate to the most. only because, they stand for all the ridiculous and out-of-this-world rationalising that i go through my head/say out loud when i shop/eat - for example, you should buy/eat [fill in desired item here] now:
a) in case they run out of stock later,
b) it'll be worth the investment/binge, because you really need/want it,
c) (in cases of buying a few items for a reduced price) because when buying in bulk, it's more worth your money (which explains my recent purchase of 3 GUESS bags for no reason at all at their warehouse sale), and
d) (aiyah!) think later - if not, you'll regret it.
the BIBs are exactly like my evil conscience when i wish to indulge.
in any case, it was a thoroughly enjoyable musical that i highly recommend to all of you.
the two of us, being the "consumerism sluts" that we are, just had to grab a copy of the original soundtrack and we each bought a limited edition NUM t-shirt printed with "it sucks to be me" (which, by the way, probably sums up my year so far).
i shall wear it proudly. :) Tuesday, November 04, 2008
"somebody gonna get a hurt... real baaad!"
russell peters never disappoints me with his witty take on the cultural world of asians and westerners alike. his speciality is definitely using his audience members as innocent 'victims' who are subsequently used as "fuel" for his jokes. i laughed so hard, i couldn't stop wiping the tears from my eyes. from start to end. the $102 was well spent and if he does return to our shores, i'd definitely go catch him again! the pitiful thing is that we didn't manage to drag his indian-canadian ass out to get his autograph post-show. oh well.
if there's one thing he taught me, was, it doesn't matter what race you are - it's how you're brought up that matters. like peters said, he may be indian by race, but hell no, does he think like an indian (in india). or the chinese who are brought up in the US, for example, who have their parents/grandparents/great grand parents who were the first US immigrants in their family line to migrate?
sure they look chinese, but hey, "you're american, man!" i guess that's where "keeping to one's roots and traditions" is today's youth's struggle... and yet, can you blame them? hey, they're not the ones who decided to drag their genetic line across an ocean to relocate and start spawning.
in other news, i'm just glad i'm done for now. no more late nights just to read powerpoint slides and notes, and whine about how i wish i had one more day to study.
now i can focus on more current issues, like getting fat(ter). Sunday, November 02, 2008
43 months
one more paper to go tomorrow, but somehow i don't feel comforted at all.
there's a queasy, uneasy, sick feeling in my stomach that something unexpectedly horrible is going to happen within the next few months, if not weeks.
i can't wait till russell peters tomorrow evening though; HIGHlarious shit. but i'm totally bummed up that eric can't make it. :( boo.
on a more cheerful note, today marks the 43rd month. i cannot begin to explain how i got myself through all these years and (what seems like) endless months. sigh. it's been one hell of a ride, almost quite literally. to say it's all paid off and worth the heartache, is... well, cheesy.
so i shall just say this:
i have definitely loved like i've never loved before. and to know i'm putting (and have put) this much effort into a relationship with someone whose feelings are mutual, is quite a beautiful, indescribable experience.
i love you.
one more paper to go tomorrow, but somehow i don't feel comforted at all.
there's a queasy, uneasy, sick feeling in my stomach that something unexpectedly horrible is going to happen within the next few months, if not weeks.
i can't wait till russell peters tomorrow evening though; HIGHlarious shit. but i'm totally bummed up that eric can't make it. :( boo.
on a more cheerful note, today marks the 43rd month. i cannot begin to explain how i got myself through all these years and (what seems like) endless months. sigh. it's been one hell of a ride, almost quite literally. to say it's all paid off and worth the heartache, is... well, cheesy.
so i shall just say this:
i have definitely loved like i've never loved before. and to know i'm putting (and have put) this much effort into a relationship with someone whose feelings are mutual, is quite a beautiful, indescribable experience.
i love you.
p.s. on a much more random note, if any of you are planning on catching saw 5, please don't go in on a full stomach. i did, and almost immediately, i needed a sick bag. it's pretty good - the twist at the end doesn't disappoint, as always. the gore is not as frequent and/or grotesque as previous sequels, but (still) trust me on the stomach churns. 3.5 out of 5.
