I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Friday, June 26, 2009

ideal partner

this post comes along quite late, considering father's day was last sunday. but oh well, better late than never. and in any case, this doesn't really have much to do with fathers. but it sure will start off on that note.

they say girls tend to (eventually) marry someone similar to how they view their father. i think it's rather true. especially since i've never really had a father figure to look up to my entire life - not even now.

i've never known how it feels to have someone dote on you like his little "princess", get a little over-protective when you start liking boys in your teen years, or even discipline you when you step out of line, the way a loving, concerned father does.

so, all these years, in my head, i've concocted this concept of an "ideal" father figure i wish i'd had all my life, growing with me as i go through the happiest and crappiest times of my life. i've always wished for a father who i could go to, when mummy's being unfair and naggy. or when i want a little "daddy' girl" sort of pampering. heck, it would be a sign of affection if my "ideal" father could give me advice, from a man's point of view.

so, keeping with all these qualities, i wish i could've been showered with fatherly affection while growing up and it's become a subconscious attempt to find a father figure like that in my future husband. first of all, it was because i want my kids to have someone they could look up to and respect. and most importantly, to have what i never did.

but then i slowly began to see, it was also a way for me to fill the void that's been there for almost 20 years of my life. i don't have or ever have had any real "elder" to look up to - cousins excluded. ;-)

so when my current boyfriend came into the picture, it was like everything fell into place. sure we had a rough start, considering i've never had a man tell me what i should or should not do/think/say/behave... you get the hint. :-P

i hated being called out for my mistakes and in a way punished for them because i was stubborn enough to think, 'this is who i am. who are you to change me?' but before i knew it, i grew to understand where my boyfriend was coming from. his attmpts to reprimand me and arguments about how bitchy i can get was all to make me take a step back and see how much growing up i needed to do.

without going through all the shit he put me through during the first 2 years of our relationship, i would have never realised how much better a person i could've become. over 4 years have passed now, and it's like i'm falling in love all over again. :D

i've never felt so content with just one person, and with myself in years. and i owe it all to him - Muhamad Yasin Bin Omar. the love of my life.

p.s. the funniest part is, he is a child of divorce too, just like me. and his step-father was no more a father figure to him than his biological dad. his late grandmother was the one who raised him most of his youth. she should be overwhelmingly proud of him. :)

Thursday, June 04, 2009

disgust

i am literally sitting in the dark right now, at 3.38 a.m, as i just slid out of bed to post this thought that crossed my mind. the incident occurred earlier today as i took the bus.

i was sitting in front of this pair, a guy and a woman, and judging from their looks, they definitely looked late 20s to mid 30s. well, in other words, not young. oh, and yeah, they were malay (why i had to state that, i don't really know why, but maybe once you hear the story, it may make sense. perhaps).

anyway, the guy, who was sitting directly behind me, started talking about the all-popular facebook and started mentioning some people who he added to his profile. the people he was talking about were apparently common friends whom the lady knew as well. so, it was fine and decent till he mentioned some annoying person who kept on insisting on adding them as his friend. and he kept ignoring their request. at first, i wondered why. then he explained to the woman, it was because this stranger was only in primary three!

he was so appalled at the fact that primary school kids below ten years of age have facebook accounts and add random old farts to their 'friends' list. that's not the worst part.

his rationalisation was: "primary three siol! kalau primary lima, ok ah... boleh tahan sikit. tapi primary tiga? giler eh budak tu?! tak nak ah!"

translation: "wah, primary three! if primary five, still tolerable. but primary three?! that kid's crazy or what? don't want ah!"

i was so tempted to whip my head around and scream "PERVERT!" to his damn face. then he continued to talk about some other contacts on his facebook account, which i'm sure vaguely leaned towards paedophilia. OMG!

so, he's saying, if the kid is 11 years old, it's okay for them to befriend some 30-something stranger through the net??? but since he/she's ONLY nine, that's a tad too young??? i don't see the logic here at all. no kid should be adding random perverts to their personal contact lists/pages! especially if they're above 30 and balding!!!

YES, WHEN THIS DIRTY, DIRTY PERVERT ALIGHTED (AT THE SAME STOP AS ME, NO LESS), AND WALKED AHEAD OF ME, AND HE HAD A WHOLE PATCH OF HAIR GONE FROM HIS ICKY, OILY SCALP. it made me shudder. i hurried past him and it's haunting me till now.

all the while, the woman just found all this information amusing. laughing along with him, and just encouraging him to continue to tell her more about his 'endeavours'.

i remember when i was in primary school, even random people on the street who remotely looked creepy scared me shitless.

kids now. i'm scared for my own children, one day.