a feeling of sadness, curiousity and nostalgia
we've all once had a friend who used to be our world - our joy, pain and sorrows. even our hopes for the future.
but somewhere along growing up, the differences in environment, the new friends we make for ourselves and the preferences we grow to like, change our view of this world. and of the friendship we had with this person.
i don't wish to divulge too much, as much as my heart's heavy from plenty of nostalgia. but a part of me is seriously curious about what had happend to the both of us. it's a pity, a real shame.
ocassionally, i would receive news of this person from various sources (i.e. people or print) and a small stabbing feeling digs where it hurts most. you may ask, "then why don't you make the 1st move and ask this person out, or catch up with them?"
thing is, i have. and many a times, they've turned me down with reasons/excuses/ignorance. when i tell my other friends of this plight, they merely wave it off and say i don't deserve to hang onto the past, especially if the past has obviously moved on without me.
i guess they're right. but countless amounts of time and years of close companionship have now turned to dust, grime, rust and worst... only memories.
to this person, i can only say:
i hope you remember that i've always been here. and i guess, in some way, i always will be. i know we've had our fall outs, and our make-ups, but there's never a part of me that has regretted a day that we'd spent as friends. if that is all it is to you - memories - then i guess i'll have to be content. because as you have moved on, so have i.
so can i. Tuesday, September 25, 2007
for the greater good
i didn't fast today. but for a good reason.
i think the nurses who realised i was a MALAY MUSLIM (notice how, just because someone even remotely looks malay, means their muslim? arseholes, i tell you) was shocked to know that i skipped a day of fasting. but i think it's okay. because i didn't do so out of sheer laziness or ignorance.
i paid a visit to HSA's Blood Donation Drive at Botanic Gardens. :)
i remember those fond JC days when we used blood donation to get out of class and "rest" after getting sucked dry till econs class was wayyy over, and we'd be just in time for recess. even those who weren't eligible/didn't want to donate tagged along, just for fun! hee! :D
unfortunately, i didn't have the company of anyone this time, and i have to admit, i was kind of nervous doing it alone. plus, it's been what? 3 years since i last donated?
but surprisingly, the pain was far more tolerable than i'd expected, and it just felt as though i'd been bitten by a red ant. okay, a FEW red ants. but other than that, it was a breeze. it felt good.
i think i'll make an appointment when i'm due next, on the 18th of december. just in time for christmas. :)
skipping a day of fast to donate blood sounds pretty reasonable to me, because i'm providing a source of hope for someone else. if you're stingy with the greed of charities who claw at you for your money, this is the next best thing! as i've heard a hell lot of people this fasting month say, "it's all about your niat" (somewhat like your 'intention'. it's not a very strong synonymous translation, but that's the closest i can think of).
personally, fasting blindly just abstaining one's self from food and water for donkey hours doesn't mean anything unless you mean it. even if you skip a few days, but with good 'intentions' or reasons, i think that's far better than being blind being led by the blind. if you catch my drift. :-P
even if you only manage to fast, for example, like a THIRD of the fasting month, but do with with full faith, then i think God will appreciate you far better than someone who fasts the entire month but has no idea what the hell he's doing. maybe i'll get blasted for putting something quite subjective that way, but hey, how i fast is none of your business. i've been brought up to learn to "do what you feel is right. follow your heart. if it feels uncomfortable or wrong, then let it be." and my mom told me that. and yes, it applies to religion too.
religion is a very controversial subject that i am in no position to preach about, but i'd just like to clarify that just because i don't conform to the the 'norms' of islam, doesn't make me any less of one. i've been called a PAGAN to my face before, just because of my... difference. but i could't care less. if you think i'm not muslim enough for you, then just don't hang around me. 'nuff said.
God's the only One who can judge me, in the way i pay my respects and devotion to him. so we'll leave this topic at that. Monday, September 24, 2007
7 days
that's how long it's probably been since i've posted anything here. at all.
that's because i was involuntarily 'evicted' from my room for about 5 days, due to my granny staying over at our place since she got discharged from the hospital recently. so she stayed in my room, and i had no contact with my computer whatsoever. oh well, i'm back in my beloved room, and i've missed it soooo much. :D
in case you're wondering, all that time i've been reading, sleeping early (and waking up late!) and spending the nights chilling out with my sister instead, because i slept in the sofa bed in her room during that time. but it was cosy, and not that bad. really!
anyway, i spent lotsssss of time with my babe, nora last week (3 consecutive days in fact!) and we even did an entire day baking ourselves at Coastes, Sentosa. let's say it was utterly eventful and unforgettable. it'll be something for just the 2 of us to keep. hee.
and then we also had a meal the following day at Cedele, Wheelock Place. head on over to her blog, little geisha girl, to read all about what went down.
i tell you, going out with that girl is never dull. you will always come away with a gossip-worthy story of your own to tell. hah! thanks for keeping my week so interesting babe! and hope we can hang out like that again soon. -hugs-
i'm feeling utterly exhausted after 7 straight days out of the house, and as such, i officially proclaim that my body's pooped. fasting and feeling the effect of PMS on your body (i.e. back ache, lethargy, joint pains, sleepiness, bloatedness, etc.) is not a good combination for anyone! i need a good massage! and i need a way to stop feeling so fat, in spite of practically not eating anything when i'm fasting!
i even gained a kilo. -_-
in the mean time, here are some photos that you can feast on (if you like). enjoy!
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the first 4 photos are from my day out with nora at coastes, while the rest are from me and my boy's 29th month dinner at outback steakhouse, located at rochester park. uber nice, and *hint* romantic. good food, jazzy and laid-back. my favourite place. :)
looking forward to seeing him soon. and yes, you too my dear nasser! hee.
Monday, September 17, 2007i know who killed me/premonition
these two movies weren't exactly the kind i would have voted to eagerly see the moment they came out. but i did, and surprisingly, they were pretty riveting rolls of film.
in 'i know who killed me', one would expect a mediocre storyline accompanying a mediocre actress - namely, lindsay lohan. after the hype of her DUI charge, and her current media attention in rehab, this movie sort of saves her from her presently tarnished fame.
i won't spill any beans on the movie's plot, because telling even a little of it will just give too much away. but i must comment that it's smart and mysterious, which will definitely keep your mind racing throughout the movie. as for lohan's acting, she surprises me with her seriousness and bite as her character(s) - aubrey and dakota - deliver much satisfaction and conviction. the directing is simple, yet strikes a darker side in all of us that sparks off a few strands of hair that will definitely rise on our arms. for a good thriller, catch this one.
3.5 out of 5. :)
it seems like quite a few years since we caught sandra bullock on-screen opposite keanu reeves, in 'the lake house'. something hints to me that she's just being picky with the scripts she wants to do, and i think she's now becoming synonymous with storylines that have to do with time travel/time and space continuum/flashbacks/foretelling the future and all that kind of shit.
in 'premonition', one has to stay focused on the storyline, because if you miss a beat, it will send your head spinning. yes, it gets confusing along the way, but bullock's character drops some hints for those of us who need a little more help in understanding her own confusion. her acting, as usual, is impressive. she always manages to draw you in. somehow. and yes, i did shed a tear (or two), but i was able to keep the waterworks under control, because i didn't want to be left saying, "uh, why ah? what happened?!" you can't leave your brains at the door, but don't worry, the "journey" will be all worth it. i think the lesson learnt is to cherish what we have now. and what happens, always does for a reason.
cheesy as it may sound, this movie really shows us how true it is. bullock's character had a chance to change the life/death of her marriage and husband, but in the end, things took a 360 degrees turn. whoops, i'm revealing too much! just catch it, and you'll see what i mean.
3.5 out of 5. :)
by the way, i caught 'disturbia' and 'dead silence' on (pirated) dvd with the boy over the weekend, and thankfully the quality was astoundingly good! :D anyway, disturbia met my expectations - 4 out of 5. i think shia lebeouf is going to be the next 'in' and sought-after hollywood actor of our time. he's come a long way from days on nickelodeon. and he's growing more and more charming. hee. dead slience was... okay. not as scary as you'd like it to be. but it should leave its mark on you for a few nights, alone. in the dark. 3 out of 5.
this weekend was wicked. and spicy, with you. Tuesday, September 11, 2007
the main attraction (fix-up)
stupid legal shits.
they took down the clips before anyone could relish them.
hmph!
anyway, i hope this one will last longer.
Britney Spears - Gimme More ('LIVE' at MTV Video Music Awards 2007)
as for the rest, i'm sorry you guys missed them. grr.
in the mean time, hope the closing performance for the VMAs will give you an impression of how extravagant is was. big pimpin'! :)
Nelly Furtado/Justin Timberlake/Timbaland - Do It/The Way I Are/LoveStoned/Give It To Me ('LIVE' at MTV Video Music Awards 2007)
cheers!
the main attraction
the whole of hollywood was waiting with great anticipation for the great comeback of britney spears, with her performance of her new single 'gimme more' at this year's MTV VMAs. unfortunately, the guests and nominees, including hundreds of thousands of people watching it from home were treated to a woman who's definitely not getting enough psychiatric treatment. and if the performance she gave was a "treat" for all her few remaining fans, i wonder how she treats her kids?
enjoy. or rather, ensure you haven't eaten yet. or are about to eat.
i'll leave you to be the best judge of what you just saw.
on the other hand, i absolutely loved the enthusiasm of the next two performances.
now that's what i call talent, showmanship and having a great partyyy time at the VMAs.
THIS is what the awards should be about.
enjoy!
AND this.
it's a little sad that chris couldn't sing live, but i guess with all that jumping and choreography, i wouldn't mind compromising vocals. hee. he's so HOTT at just 18. *drool*
i have yet to watch the whole show, but so far, the performances i've seen are really entertaining, and yes, MTV definitely has outdone its previous years in terms of performances.
as the old saying goes, "oops, i did it again" and britney so naively lets us use it over and over and over again on her.
i doubt she'll ever be able to save herself and restore her fame to its former glory. sigh.
to see more great performances, go on to dailymotion.com and search for user 'wonderful-life'. :)
break me down and sober me up
today was a day of sorts. i was supposed to spend an unforgettable, entire day with the boy. unfortunately, depressingly and utterly disappointingly, he called me at 8.20 a.m. to say that he had to work. out of "no choice". this week, he's worked 7 fucking days straight.
and that was how i kicked off my day - in tears, on my bed.
it couldn't have gotten any better. i refused to stay home because it just felt so suffocating. i needed to get out of the house, even if it meant i'd spend my entire FREE sunday all by myself, stoning and envying couples, friends and families go enjoy their last day of the weekend.
so i headed to the national library (central branch) and managed to find that nisha minhas book that i've been searching for, for quite some time. found a comfortable sofa chair and sunk into my reading. i actually intended to study a little on the 7th floor, but my mind was far too scattered for any form of education to do me good.
to my left, i had a middle-aged woman, and next to her left, her middle-aged male friend. they were pretty annoying, whispering loudly and all. but i couldn't be bothered. and technically, her middle-aged male friend had brought a sofa chair from the other side of the library so that he could sit next to her, which of course, isn't allowed. two strikes.
third strike? when the middle-aged woman went off to get more books, and left her seat empty (with no bags/belongings of hers to claim her seat), a much elderly man carrying an arm-load of books, an umbrella and his rucksack, attempted to sit in "her" seat. as a natural reaction, her middle-aged male friend stood up and said, "no, this seat is taken. my friend just went to get more books. she'll be back". the elderly man was taken aback and responded with, "you can't reserve seats! i can sit here if i want". but the middle-aged man was persistent and shoved the elderly man away from the sofa chair.
not satisfied, the elderly man went to call a librarian to sort the matter out, and the middle-aged man just dared him to. so 2 minutes later, the elderly man was back with a librarian in tow, and the middle-aged man explained his situation to her - that his friend merely went off to get more books. and that he is NOT reserving a seat, but just stating that the seat is taken.
"in the first place sir, you're not allowed to move the sofa chair here. the sofa chair is supposed to be there", the librarian responded, pointing to the gap that the sofa chair had once occupied, along the wall. thankfully the middle-aged man graciously admitted his fault about that, and offered to put the sofa chair back right away. but he reminded the librarian that "that's not the point". the elderly man had actually shouted "FUCK YOU" before he stormed off to find the librarian earlier, and the middle-aged man told the librarian this.
as such, the speaking escalated to shouting and a third (irrelevant) man stepped in to say, "excuse me, can you please stop shouting? you're irritating everyone in the library". to this, the middle-aged man said, "YOU don't know what you're talking about! you're just defending this old man!" to which another 4TH man interjected and said, "no, YOU don't know what you talking about! if you want to fight, please go out!" then another librarian had to step in.
so there, we had a situation with 6 PEOPLE arguing and trying to settle a dispute over... a seat in the library. in the end, the librarian had to pull the elderly man away, all while he was meekly saying to her, "it's a matter of principle. if you have rules in the library, you should apply them to everyone. there shouldn't be any exceptions for certain people. it's my right to sit where i want..." i really felt sorry for him. really.
the only reason why the librarian did not directly tell the middle-aged man off was (i think) because, she knew him personally. they both addressed each other by surname - she was mrs tan, and he, mr lim. that's equality for you.
i guess "the settling" carried on, outside the library, because mr lim could be heard saying, "YOU! i want to settle this with you", as he was following the librarian and the elderly man.
sigh.
then me and my darling cousin agreed to meet halfway on the green line (MRT) because he wanted to pass me "something". i had told him of my misery today, but i didn't expect any sort of pick-me-up from him, or anyone for that matter.
we agreed on tiong bahru, and the first thing he asked me when he saw me was, "why do you look so sad?" and then he gave me exactly what i needed - a big bear hug. so i explained to him what happened in more detail, and i just couldn't help my eyes from brimming with tears again. that's when he showed me the little "something" he wanted me to have.
it was a box of ferrero rochers and chocolate cake. "it was last minute, but i just thought it'd cheer you up". i was so touched, and i can honestly say, it's been YEARS since anyone has done that for me. you know, go out of the way to buy for me a little gift, or whatever, on-the-spot because i felt down that day.
i felt so happy. and sincerely appreciative of the gesture. :D
thanks nasser! love, love YOU!
even on my way home, he sent me a message reassuring me that he'd (the boy) would make it up to me soon, and that i should enjoy my chocs! oh my gosh, even my boyfriend doesn't cheer me up like that. now i know i can trust my nasser. :)
when i arrived home, i slipped into my swimsuit and went for a couple of laps and got a slight tan. naturally, i brought down the ferrero's to the poolside too! hee.
i feel better now. but i just cannot shake the feeling that i'm so easily manipulated and taken for granted. he always expects me to accept his apology for even the most disappointing of mistakes and not have to face the fact that i'm deeply hurt.
he may never read my blog, but i have this to say, for now:
you should take notes from nasser. because the pain you caused me today, he erased away.
i just wish i didn't care so much about how you treated me. because then i wouldn't put so much hope in you, only to let it be ripped to shreds.
i'm just pushing it all aside. aside. aside. Wednesday, September 05, 2007
long overdue
this is a clip taken during gwen's sweet escape tour, when she was here in august. apologies for taking so long in uploading it. it took me that long to figure out how to reduce the file size!
i know it's blurry and you can probably find better videos of the same song and concert (!) on youtube by other users, but this is from my angle. :)
that's what you get for compromising quality for size (i.e. the original is much better).
enjoy!
