I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Friday, June 29, 2007

reflecting

another one of those fights. another night. another fleeting thought. or thoughts, in this case.

when i rewind the past 2 years and 2 months, i agree we've been through hell.
and when i fast forward to now, we're still there.

if someone were to ask me, "so how are you and him now?"
my answer would be, "sad. sad sad case." and then i'll let out a sigh.

sometimes it really pierces my insides to think about you.

arguments have gotten longer and more agonising.
conversations have gotten shorter and barely mediocre.

romance is... erm. whatever.
i don't see any spark in your eyes for me, just as i have little left for you.
but my insides burst of so much love that i wish i could share with you, if not for all the bickering and nit-picking.

i may not show that i care, only because WE don't make room for any love to show.
but if we step beside ourselves and relive the reason we wanted to be together in the 1st place, maybe.

just maybe, we'll see a tiny ray of hope for our chance at happiness again.

i'm hanging in there. just for You.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

fuzzz

hot fuzz, like lynnette has commented on her own blog, feeds off the theme of utopia. but hilariously! just thinking of it makes me giggle to myself at some of the scenes i can recall.

good watch, entertaining and worth your bucks for a hearty laugh with wit and engagement. as expected with lots of brit comedies. :D i love them, i tell you. they beat american comedy ANY TIME.

4 out of 5.

have you seen little britain? it's fucking funny, if you have a bad day. perks you right up and makes you forget why you were so pissed off with your day in the first place. go watch some episodes.

speaking of fuzz, it returned to me, with all its warmth and sincerity.
i guess we just happened to run into some tough luck.

but we'll pull through.
like we eventually do.
:-*

Sunday, June 24, 2007

CISCO D&D 2007

last night was one night i'd rather forget.

and i gave my boy full permission to not notify me of next year's D&D, AND bring some other girl if he wants to.

because, according to him, i'm an embarrassment to him and too shallow.

i shall not delve into minute details because it's quite unbearable to think of them the morning after. if any of you can't seem to satisfy your hunger for curiousity, then you can IM me, or something. :)

but for now, let's just say i've been having an "unstable" stomach for the past 2 days and had a headache before leaving the house for the event. they told us it starts at 6.30 p.m. but doors didn't open till 7.30 p.m. then dinner wasn't served till 8.30 p.m. entertainment in a nutshell was cheap, tacky and immature, for an event that was meant for ADULTS.

yes, i know D&D's generally have those ocassional childish acts so that the adults can let loose, but this was just insulting (to me, at least). food was barely okay, the air-conditioning was blowing right on my head, so that just worsened my headache. i felt my stomach bubbling, and i was freezing my ass off.

with all that's been mentioned, you know it can only get worse.

horriblehorriblehorrible.
i never want to remember last night ever again.

but i did come out with ONE big lesson though:
if you wish to walk out, even if you initial intent was to go to the restroom or get some fresh air, ALWAYS bring your handbag along. because you never know if you change your mind and decide to never go back in.

i'm sorry for ruining your night, baby.
i'm sorry for falling sick.
i'm sorry for walking out without telling you.

but most of all, i'm sorry you think i'm such a liability to you, and that i'm too shallow and embarrassing for your taste.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

last one

tomorrow will mark the end of all the papers for this semester.
or so i thought.

i just checked my Hotmail inbox 10 minutes ago, and to my utter horror, i received a personal e-mail from my journalism tutor in Australia, saying that i failed my last assignment.

the format was wrong, the style it was written in was wrong and the only glimmer of hope that i got was that she gave me till 29th june (next friday) to give her a revised version.

i was so horrified. and to think i spent so much time seeking out interviews, sources, research and feeling so damn good about it (it was the news story on the rise of anorexia, by the way).

well, there goes my one week of holidays. doing work. all over again.
but seriously, i still can't believe it.

to keep my spirits up temporarily though, i have a Dinner & Dance to look forward to this saturday. but even that, i have no freaking idea what to wear. -_-

sigh. just to pass the time, why don't you give me a morale booster and vote for my poem? :)
it'll mean loads to me, right now (hope the link works! let me know if it's screwed up).

i think i need help.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

F4

i would've thought fantastic 4 would come out with a superb, or at least, pretty substantial sequel - back then when i caught the first one.

the rise of the silver surfer barely satisfies a true fan's appetite, but will keep you satiated if your intention of catching the movie in the first place was just to "see if it's any good".

the beginning does follow-up from where the previous movie ended. but thereafter it feels like all the characters are blandly stagnant, and the only development comes from the silver surfer himself (like DUH! he is "supposed" to be the focus of this sequel).

alba disappoints, with bad peroxide-blonde hair. she's just too "damsel-ish" for a superhero, and mr. fantastic is too pre-occupied with himself. there's no need to say the other half of the foursome lack in any "spark" and "shine" as they fail to deliver the "oomph" that comes with any superhero movie. action sequences are sparse, littered here and there. and cinematography is only "ay-okay".

maybe i'm biased against it, but i was seriously disappointed with this sequel, although i thought the first movie was much more exciting. i was happy with this one - straightforward plot, clean acting and neat presentation.

but i guess there's where it ultimately suffered. a superhero movie needs a little bit of serious dilemmas, controversy, and a hint of suspense and confusion - in order to keep the movie-watcher at the edge of their seat.

the only real dilemma i could sniff out was the foursome's decision whether to break-up or stay together as "freaks" of the city.

overall, 2.5 out of 5.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

what does it mean when we say "i'm happy for you?"

in a friendship or a relationship, we can't possibly always pretend that we are always satisfied with the decisions the other party makes.

maybe they decided to move away for school or work, or they have found happiness with someone else or just wish to be alone. for now.

would it be selfish of us to say "no, i don't think it's a good idea because i won't see you again/spend anymore time with you"?

or should we just grit our teeth and smile, while we wave goodbye to the one who's always been there for us?

happiness in a friendship or relationship is more than just making the other party happy. he/she has to be happy with themself too.

what does it mean when we tell the other party "the most important thing is that YOU'RE happy"?

happy in general? or happy when with you?
we have to admit it stings to know that the other party would be happier somewhere else, doing something else... rather than with us.

to make someone happy is rather simple. but being happy for someone, takes a whole lot of something else.

sometimes we all have to admit that we can't make the other party completely content, and they have realised that, indeed, the grass IS greener on the other side. in this case, sucking it up and just letting them go, is the best way to accept the reality.

i, for one, know that i absolutely hate the feeling of being told that i am simply not enough to make someone happy. questions swim in my mind:

was it something i said?
something i didn't do... or did?
what else can i do to convince you?

but at the end of it all, if the other party has agreed to move on to greener pastures, so should we. it's tough, sucks and bites a WHOLE LOT, but a few months (or years) down the road, we'll be glad we let them go.

because you never know when a mysterious caller will ring you up, and say "hey! remember me?" and the smile that creeps up on our faces is one that'll remain unforgettable.

for a long time coming. :)

Sunday, June 10, 2007

1 week gone

exactly a week ago, i couldn't wait till thursday.
for 2 very different reasons.

1. to get my first paper over and done with.
2. to begin my 3-day bliss.

i won't spill on intimate details, because it's oh-so-special to me.
but i will comment on a few things.

spending that many hours consecutively with a special person really opens your eyes to a whole different side of your feelings for that person. be it good or bad. in my case, the more time i spent, the more i was reassured that this is what i want.

for the rest of my life. and i couldn't shake off the foreign tingling sensation of just saying "i do".

dbl-O was a great suggestion. thanks Nora! hope scotland's not too cold for you... and get your cute ass back here soon! i miss you. :(

music was great.
crowd was enthusiatic.
and i danced my feet numb.

but the best part was crashing with You.
i couldn't have asked for anything more, and definitely not less.

for that reason i apologise for not updating my blog with anything for a week.
it's been an unforgettable 7 days - for both good and bad reasons.

and You shared every minute of it with me.

the love of my life. :)
thankyou.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

pirates 3

watched the 10 p.m. show at Lido 1 last night.

firstly, i don't know who the fuck turned down the air-conditioning till it almost felt as though i was atop a ski slope without my warm ski jacket! and worst, it was blowing straight onto my head. and that lasted for a good 3 hours. total headache after walking out of the cinema.

as for the actual movie, i think the reviews are rather spot-on. but of course, coming from someone who's rather biased towards the pirates trilogy, i still managed to enjoy the visual spectacle.

the monkey's acting has improved. the parrot "talk-squawks" more. elizabeth swann is just as annoying with her feminist character ("oh, look i'm a lady, but not a damsel in distress! what men can do, i can do too, or even better!") pish-posh. wil turner only looks good towards the end of the movie, as he turns to become the captain of the Flying Dutchman (ohmygosh, orlando looks gorgeous as a pirate captain! why didn't they make him one earlier?!!) jack sparrow is satisfying as ever, though his character sort of limbos from progressive to taking two steps back. hmm.

as for the crew and other characters (e.g. bootstrap bill, captain barbossa, captain davy jones and calypso, etc.), they really helped in catapulting the story forward and making the plot have an ACTUAL purpose. if not for them, pirates 3 would've been sadly mediocre.

unfortunately, the massive amount of CGI effects dissolved the essance of any real storyline worth following, and the annoying mumbles and "pirate talk" among themselves served up a bad after taste which left me utterly dismayed by the over-hyped third installment.

do i want a 4th (if there is to be one)? maybe. for now, i think it needs to recuperate from the materialistic franchising and exposure it's getting... and maybe 3 years down the road, we'll see. for all we know, the next star of pirates 4 will be will turner, who's well on his way to conquer the vast oceans.

overall, 3.5 out of 5. :)

i'm still planning on getting the poster and DVD though. hee.

Friday, June 01, 2007

pining

i wish it didn't need to be so long.
i wish my saturday wasn't rudely interrupted.
i wish for more time.

this is utterly ridiculous. we're both here, and we have to wait 7 fucking days before we meet again.

5 days more. 5. 5. 5.
and till then, i'm trying not to think about You.

because it slices far too deep.