I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Monday, March 24, 2008

being away

i don't really care that i haven't been blogging alot lately, because i think the time away has really worked to my advantage.

i'm really beginning to see things (in general) quite differently from maybe, say, last year. i'm thinking alot about the future, my past, and definitely attempting to be much more driven. everything in small steps, but i'm quite positive about what's to come. at least for the next 6 months. :)

our 3rd anniversary is coming up next week, so it's definitely something big for us both. this is our longest relationship. ever. and issues-wise, we've really worked through a tiresome pile of those.

i'm glad i've gotten help. now, to get help on those damn lab reports - 3 due on the 16th of april alone! and as usual, nothing done yet. ha.ha.ha.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

the.rapist.

i don't know why, but my classmate loves the unintentional play of those two words when put together to form "therapist". it's funnily lame.

i learnt quite a few things while MIA-ing from blogging these past few weeks. some about other people, some about myself. one thing i can say about diving into my 20s, is that i've learnt so much about the world around me, that i would've never thought i'd even bother about.

i feel 18, but my perception of things and people have definitely made me more aware of myself and wisened me up not to be so... well, easily put, stupid.

naive, vulnerable, overly giving... i use it sparingly.

our 3rd year is coming up, and it's also a milestone for us, since loads has happened since the last anniversary. screaming and yelling has transformed into cold wars and tension. as well as compromise and understanding. it's all about learning about each other, and i think it's beautiful that all that has happened since 2008 began.

i don't want to relive the shadow that i lived through for the past 20-odd years of my life. we have to grieve for what we have lost. including the opportunities and moments we know we never got.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

need It.

i need a drink.

i need drinks.

i need to drink.

and i'm missing the boy. for the first time the entire week.

i think they're really working. thank God.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

the calm after the storm

so it's been a couple of days since the drama ended. and thankfully it did, just in time.

i just needed a few days away from here to get my head back into school and my heart back in focus. and he needed to take a much needed hiatus from me.

we threw everything out on the table over 2 painful hours that night, and we finally came to an agreement. i gave him the option of leaving, because God knows how guilty i'd feel if i forced him to stay in something he felt was long over. in the end, he decided to make it work.

of course, there was relief on my side. but those few days not having someone to emotionally depend on, forced me to wake up and realise that i have to rely on myself more than i'd like to. even if he IS back in my life now.

i think that's the biggest part of this relationship that i've taken for granted - to always think someone's there for me. i shall not reveal much, but i am getting the help i need to look within myself and solve a hell lot of issues i've been sweeping under the rug.

hitting the books is a good distraction, and a great way for me to think of all else, except my emotions. now i sleep better and i wake up fresher.

and i actually feel less miserable than i have been. for the past 20-odd years of my life.