Graduation Night 2004
what else can i say?... the title summarises what it felt like. for ONCE, JJ has exceeded my expectations of what their idea of prom-cum-graduation night would be like. considering it was a wet day, AND it WAS in school. i must say kudos to the pyrotechnicians working on the StompHouse. the lights and smoke effect were really good! a pity that that the crowd wasn't very enthusiastic about the music... if there was a bar (of course serving non-alcoholic drinks and plenty of muchies!), then it would've been a really great club! but the highlight of the night was Shai's dance number... don't you Dare (!!!) quit dancing SHAI!!! i screamed like hell for him... and of course, class bonding. which is really rare. we took so many beautiful pictures, especially since we all were dolled up and celebrities in our own right, even if just for one night.
to the class of 03A2, 2003:
"thanks guys for being such an awesome bunch! me and shai have had the chance to fill in each other's positions... and so far, we have one thing in common: the 03A2 heck-care spirit! not that it's a good thing, but hey, we know what we are good at, don't we? ;-) i'm going to miss you guys like crazy... hanging out at the lox, squash, "ponteng-ing" lessons and lectures, chasing for money like loansharks (i know Shai will miss that the most.. hehe) and just the laughs and oh ya.. GP lessons. how we always bully Mr Arthur Parthur...*winks*. last night will be very memorable because (finally!) we got to go out as a whole big group and chill out at Coffee Club after Graduation Night. first time, more than half the class turned up... not bad, eh? and we all got high and cold at 2 + in the morning... wow. what a ride. :-D i enjoyed myself thoroughly and JC life wouldn't be the same without you guys. so keep laughing, keep crapping and always have the A2 spirit. hope to see you guys around real soon, and TC my dearies!"
another year is about to end. but i know, pray and hope.. more inportantly, keep faith, that things will work things out for themselves somehow. we'll all grow up, but we will always have the memories to look back to. that's what's important.
*cuddles and kisses to my baby Tigger, 1 and a 1/2 mth old, orange and white male kitten. i'll post up prom pics and Tigger's pics soon! *MUACKZ!*
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
damn computer
well, technology has to screw up for me... even when i thought things couldn't get worse. i tried refreshing my blog after updating the soundtrack and a new entry on it. but it fucked up and blanked out.
so here i am, with a new template. and i'll probably only customise it when i have SO much free time. damn, i miss my old template. that was my OWN CUSTOMISED template. why, blogger, why??!
*SIGH* enjoy peeps.
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
hmm... not sure really
at this point of time, i'm not sure about anything. i feel as though i'm in some sort of transitional time frame. i'm unsure about the future. about myself. about how prom night's going to turn out. about what i'm feeling.
i feel a little empty inside. restless. and pretty lonely. it's like this anticipating feeling. waiting with bated breath sort of sensation.
i think i feel heartbroken. well, at least it feels similar. all i know is that, there's someone who isn't in my life right now. and i want that person here with me right now. an empty gap that yearns to be filled. i think that's what it is.
because every night, and every morning, the tears... they DO flow.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
something i believe is very true
["When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place, at the right time, that's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment is not a choice. That's also a chance.The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.
If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same. That's choice.
Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you two make it happen." I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly someone made especially for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're gonna do something about it or not.
We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make. We may have been searching too hard for the perfect one and so the saying goes, "Fret not, for the perfect one will come to you without you having to search for her..." but then again, we came to the world not to find someone perfect to love, BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly..."It's true when people say you'll only learn the real value of things/people when you lose them. I have. And regretting doesn't help."
I believe everyone, like me, has at one point of time or another, wished that they could turn back the hands of time to undo certain things they did or said. I know that it isn't possible to do that, but there are things that can be done to salvage what's left of any situation. It just depends on whether you really want it or not." ...love is probably the most strangest thing in the world. it hits you when you least expect it, it gives so generously, yet takes selfishly. At most times it has regard for others and yet, we sometimes still feel the pain in which this unusual feeling brings..."]
this was written by a friend's friend of mine (thank you for such sincere words). what has been said is very true, but how many of us actually have the courage to face such (maybe) harsh truth? this links very well with my previous entry about "letting things go". letting go doesn't only apply to our own hurt or anger, but also to those whom we feel we have connected with. everyone enters our lives for a Reason. when their Reason for being in our presence has been accomplished, they will walk out. be it to teach us seasonal lessons or life lessons. that's what i have learnt to believe. it has been very hard for me to let go of many people in my life, and ultimately, it has led to me hurting myself. is it really worth hurting yourself, when you know there are so many people out there who will hurt you all the same? if you don't protect your heart, who else will?
you may give and give your heart, soul and emotion to just one person, but they never seem to see you. maybe he/she is just there to be a companion in that part of your life, then leave. their purpose is not to love you for life, but to be a dear friend and teach you, so that you may apply his/her lessons later on in life.
i can't believe, me being the overly-emotional person that i am, that i have to force my heart to listen to all this. it's just not Me. i know that i tend to give too much of my trust and reliance to someone a little too easily... so you can guess it stings like shit to get betrayed. you give and give your effort and feelings, only to be left in the dust. with the other person having the last laugh. *SIGH*
the bottom line of all this is that, we have to come to terms to accept what the other person has decided for himself/herself. if they are persistent about not continuing the relationship/friendship with us, then we can only be thankful that we got to know them once in our life. i believe everybody grows a little stronger with every passed acquaintance.
hurt is inevitable. tears may flow. hearts will break once more. life continues.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
this picture... i half didn't have the heart to take, but it was something so rare... so i just had to. there are roadsigns warning drivers of kangaroos in the area, but unfortunately this fella didn't get lucky. (upon closer inspection, you can see that he's lost his right leg). and NO, i DIDN'T DO IT! poor thing... :-(
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now this pic.... i specifically ORDERED my dad to take!!! isn't he adorable... look at his hairstyle... ooo, so sexy! he's a ram by the way.. and i just love his "out-of-bed" look... funky!
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this is jeremy. the guide for our visit to Tumbulgum Farm. their main attraction was sheep shearing... and i got to milk a cow called Kim. it felt.. hmm.. warm and squishy! hahahahahahaha... ^_^
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this is Scarborough Beach. much more packed with people and stretches for metres... it's really beautiful... er-hmm... including the surfers who were trying to catch a few waves out there!
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what a narcissist i am huh? *wink, wink*... wahaha... i was bored... sorry! so this is Rockingham Beach by the ways... quiet and peaceful. not much, if at ALL, commercialism and tourism here.
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yum yum... well, not the potatoes... they were like rocks! but the chicken was scrumptous! making me hungry just looking at them.. hehe. ^_^
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haha... this i find a little funny. it may look warm and sunny... but trust me, it was friggin' cold up there. the temperature may have been around 27 degrees or so, but the wind was like 18! oh well, the view was awesome. it being a lighthouse and it's situated where the Southern Ocean meets the Indian Ocean, made it all more spectacular.
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hmm... this cave is awesome. it's 16 degrees in here all year round, but i like that kind of climate. the stalactites and stalagmites (geographers you know what i'm talking about) were beautiful; made of calcium carbonate that shimmers like crystals.
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me and my sis at Kailis. went to eat fish & chips for dinner. the weather was fantastic: a breezy 18 degrees i should think.
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this is Hamelin Bay. a pretty view i must say... plenty of caravans camp out here during this time of the year (summer).
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that's me (with my mom and sis) at the Fremantle Market trying to buy a cuff for myself. they also offer embossing service if you want... pretty cool eh?
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how one's momentous feeling can crumble and shatter right in your face
just 5 minutes ago, i felt like giving a pretty thorough review of my trip to Perth. now i just feel like wallowing in self-pity. oh, woe is me.
my mom just barged into my room, calling me not by name, but the commonly rude "Eh! Girl!". then she bombarded me with what every person dreads hearing, "I see ah, you putting on weight. can you please... go and do something can or not? don't always slack around... do something for yourself lah! before you know it, you cannot walk i tell you!" i knew a LONG LONG LONG time ago i was on the heavier side, slightly. but i wasn't HIPPO-WALRUS-SUMO FAT OK?? she even mentioned that she does exercise for the benefit of looking good for my dad. so, what's that supposed to mean? if i get obese, overweight and frumpy... i'll never marry. that's not half bad an idea. considering how unlucky i am in THAT department.
did she even notice that immediately after my A-levels, i helped her out like shit with her bazaar? then IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT, we went to Perth. then IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT, we just came back.. and here i am... merely 2 days after returning??? did she notice i haven't had ANY FUCKING TIME TO MYSELF??? can she just bloody wait??? so what if want to grow fat, laze out, pig out and just rot (according to her, i plan to rot my body and mind away)??! even when i EVER went out, i had to pick days carefully and schedule those days around HER. and that was only THRICE since my exams ended. there's only less than 10 days left of 2004. i just want to watch the days pass by. is that too much to ask? i want to pretend, just for these last days of 2004, that i have nothing to worry about until next year. is that a SIN?
*i am SO SORRY to those who are reading this entry, that i come in here and just blow my top. but i can't take it. she's breathing down my neck like a permanent sauna under my skin; everything's so heated, so tense. wish i could say more cheery offerings. but i'll just post a few pictures from my trip to try and ease things out. most of all, i miss my best friend, i miss laughing with friends... i miss not being alone.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
new things learnt, a little too late
there have been countless times when we only learn our lessons when it's FAR too late. haven't we all been down that road? my friend, Veron, has an entry dated 10th December that is basically about letting things or people go when they don't reciprocate/have any use to us any longer. (if you wish to read it, there's a link to her blog on the right hand side) i think i was very inspired by what the words actually meant. alot of us hold onto things/people wishing and hoping that it will turn out alright. i think it's only human nature for us to do so. maybe it's just natural for us to have Faith. even though it's hidden deep within us.
i know that's what keeps me going. many may call it living in denial, but if we don't have faith in what we do, then what drives us? you could say self-motivation. but without Faith that things will work out the way you want it to, how can you self-motivate yourself? there have been many times i've kept Faith in people who literally have complete disregard for the efforts i'm putting in for them, only to be totally crushed much later. then there are also those FEW who surprise you, and you realise their worth and what you may have lost if you didn't believe in them in the first place. it's easy to say "LET IT GO", but to do it, is another issue altogether. i know one has to try very hard, but some people may need support from loved ones to go through that rough phase.
there are still alot of things that i wish i could let go of up till now. but i can't. maybe i don't wish to. but i know i can't. it may consume me one day, i know. why am i so stubborn?
Friday, December 03, 2004
Liberation... and relaxation (well, sort of)
well, it's a little well past the post excitement of A-Levels. but still it feels refreshing to not be stressed up, have no plans for weekends and not cram myself up at my study table hitting the books. and the only reason i stay up way into the wee hours of morning is to plain slack and watch pretty lame late night television. plus of course, the occassional late night conversations. which are very, i must also say, refreshing. i mean it's pretty ironic for me to use that word, because it's practically when everyone's snoring their asses off (or most people).
i've never been so unoccupied in my mind for a LONG time. and it's a GREAT feeling. i can't wait to go shopping with my best friend. can't wait to throw out old books (and i mean OLD!). learn to wear make-up. refresh my wardrobe. start all over again. start something.
right now, i'm happy where i am. i hope i can feel this way for most of next year as well... especially when the results come in. for all those people who have stood by me in those times of darkness, bleakness and much deep sorrow (you know who you are ;-) ), Thank YOU, from the bottom of my heart. it's times like these that you look back and you feel so grateful to have those few who stick by you regardless. i cannot express how much appreciation i have for you guys. i truly Love You.
*go Taufik! i knew you'd pull through WEEKS before the final showdown. it's called Faith.
