my horror
as you may (or may not) have noticed, i've been blogging a lot these past few days, even though i'm supposed to be busy mugging away.
and i'm trying to, honestly.
but there's a nagging nightmare that haunts me, only to become my personal halloween.
the crawling hands. the slimy skin.
the breathe of indulgence, greed and perverseness.
the smile of sinister intentions and the close hovering of its body.
i can't do anything but breathe. deep and hard.
do as it says. i shut my eyes quick.
and pray it's gone when i reopen them.
only in my mind when i'm not longer awake,
is he in front of me.
sneering, drooling, devouring.
sickly.
please go away. please. please.
leave me alone. Sunday, October 29, 2006
just for fun
(sung to the tune of 'Show Stopper')
we on the motorcycle
we ride fast
we goin to da clubs at night
the MATS stare
we jongang back
we take the bedak from the compact
(yeah)
you ain't never seen
a MINAH like me
watching PUNK'D on M-T-V
we lepak and drool
we think MATS are cool
we always pon school
we smart like lembu
more make-up
more, more make-up
less eyebrows
less, less eyebrows
the more make-up put
the more "craters" made
the more MATS look
the more we feel good!
*note: this is a parody of Danity Kane's 'Show Stopper'. not that i hate this song, but me and my sis decided to have our own fun. :)
for those of you who are unsure of most of the malay terms used, here's some help (or my attempt to help you).
jongang - buck teeth
bedak - powder
lepak - hang around
pon (short for ponteng) - cut class/lesson
lembu - cow
... and "craters" refer to the acne scars on one's face
NOT TO INSULT. JUST FOR PURE HUMOUR AND ENTERTAINMENT SAKE. thanks. Saturday, October 28, 2006
the REAL joy of hari raya
nasser. sigh, the vainest of them all.
but the most favourite of them all too. :)
what's wrong with me?
let me count the ways:
here i am, at 3 a.m., not sleeping yet.
i just turned down attending my boyfriend's open house tomorrow. due to the reason that i have a phobia of strangers and extremely shy around people i do not know.
i miss him too much.
i can't study. or rather, can't concentrate on studying.
i want to tell him i miss him alot. but i end up not doing so. (i have this reasoning within myself, that it's better to not sound so pathetically desperate)
and did i mention i'm here at 3 a.m., not sleeping?
insomnia hits me really bad, especially when You're not here.
it's really lonely. :( Friday, October 27, 2006
she looked, but never saw
and she praised the little one ever so dearly,
always held in high regard and admiration.
the big one stood by.
watching. listening.
always wishing.
but she never had the time of day.
she must be too sensititive and immature.
always looking in,
never part of anything.
but she was someone's world.
someone who loved her so.
and it was only this one person
who loved her that much.
and no one else. Wednesday, October 25, 2006
empathy
this post goes out to a friend. i read your blog, and i understand the emptiness.
sure, it may be just another relationship. but it was 4 years of your life, am i right?
and yes, you slipped up. and begged for forgiveness. just like i did.
the only difference is that he forgave me and gave me a 2nd chance.
she didn't give you one. even though she tried.
well, at least that's the idea i get from the sparse entries you've put in so far.
it's never easy giving you heart and self to someone always kind of knowing they'll be there for you. because it only takes a second of betrayal to make everything crash to the ground.
i've been in your shoes. but i've been lucky.
yet, i still understand how helpless it must feel.
because for 6 months, i felt just like you.
at the end of it all, it will be rough.
it will be painful.
but you'll make it.
i know you.
:) take care. Monday, October 23, 2006
The Lady's Secrets
as you can see, i've decided to take action and just do it.
welcome to my new revamped site. :D
i hope navigation is pretty easy. :-P
and as you can see, i changed the whole concept of my blog.
from being strange, i've gone darker and yet classically... a Lady.
coming of age i guess. heh.
21's not far ahead, so where better to start than with my blog.
the site's name has been changed.
the site's hostess (a.k.a ME) is now known as The Lady.
i had half the mind to change the URL, but i thought that would be too confusing together with the "renovations". so maybe a few months down the road i will, if i still feel the urge to.
overall, i think i did a pretty good job. *pats myself on the back*
considering i know nuts about HTML and all that jazz (or shit, rather).
and i took roughly about 2-3 hours just tweaking the original skin, so that i could make it just right.
the way i want.
once i saw the picture of the lady on the left, i knew i HAD to have it.
she reminds me of couture and class.
but how true.
Love. Man. Roses. Chocolates.
if only love were that simple. :) Sunday, October 22, 2006
feeling like a change is in need
i don't know why, suddenly, i feel like changing my blog skin. maybe after my exams.
maybe because my sis has an itch to start her very own blog during her school holidays. though, it's only going to be a "holiday project" kind of thing. pity she doesn't plan to carry on updating it when the new year starts. that'd be awesome. :)
i don't know. this blog skin is really nice, in the sense that it incorporates a nice layout, my favourite emily the strange, CATS (!) and music. furthermore, i spent so much time (only God knows how MUCH) altering details of the original skin - like the font size, taglines, layout (here and there), colours, etc.
a pity to take it all down and "renovate" it all. sigh.
yet, i feel it needs sprucing up.
any ideas?
2 days away to hari raya, and no fireworks inside.
"it comes with age", that's what she said. Saturday, October 21, 2006
slut.
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i'm such a bored whore. 
Friday, October 20, 2006new phone
well, i guess with the loss of my dear nokia 6111 bundled up in my dear greyish ipod sock and emily the strange hanphone accessory, comes a new form of addiction.
my sony ericsson Z610i. rose pink.
it's so pretty i could stare at it all day. and i bought a matching pink and black pouch to go with it.
don't you DARE lay your grubby, handphone stealing paws on her! (to whoever stole my previous handphone)
but anywho, i love my new shiny, scratch-free cell phone. love it, love it, love IT.
even my sister loves it so much, she constantly man-handles it. hah!
and checks my messages and calls for me. -_-
lovely, lovely phone.
lalalalala. *^_^* Tuesday, October 17, 2006
lost or maybe stolen
well, if you guys have seen my MSN nick, you would've already known that i no longer have my dear cell phone with me. that damn thing got lost. or as my baby liked to comfort me, got stolen.
we left our bags to book seats you see. so it's probably a stupid thing to do, though many of us take it for granted. well, from personal experience now, i never want to leave my cell or wallet behind when i'm booking a seat with my bag.
yes, i teared up. as my baby described to the lady when he called singtel, as to why i wasn't the one talking to her, "she's too distraught". haha. i was frantic and panicked. what can i say?
i've never lost something as valuable since primary school, when i lost a whole coin purse stuffed with $50 notes that my mom gave me to buy school books with.
and i loved that phone by the way. so now, i have no idea how long i'll be without a new one. and today i went old school by being forced to use a pay phone, using 10-cent coins. haha.
how backdated. or "cheapo", as my sis commented on the other line.
i can only thank God my mom didn't freak out when i told her. she just let out a shocked, "Oh MY GOD!" haha. sigh.
i know what cell phone i want already though. hee. (hey, i didn't lose my old one just so i could get a new one, okay? the timing just happened to be perfect!) and plus, it's pretty affordable.
double joy. :D
oh, and another bad thing happened. tigger fell all the way down from bathroom window ledge to the neighbour's roof downstairs. a whole 3 storeys or so. and thankfully only got away with 3 cuts - 2 on his right front leg, and one on his lower mouth. stupid cat. but i was scared nontheless. the THUD of his crashing sounded like a huge ladder collapsing. that is why i ignored it when i first heard it. ony when mewing noises came from the airwell did i start to put 2 and 2 together. hah.
plus our new kitten, princess, is now "in heat" or in human speak HORNY. what a sexual driven kid. funny. she's trying all sorts of ways to "seduce" tigger. what a slut. haha.
okay, enough "haha"s. time to think of when to settle my cell phone problem. Friday, October 13, 2006
taboo
as the following goes, it IS going to be about a taboo topic in general, though many of us know that we whisper about it, we mock it, we criticise it. some of us even practice it.
what am i talking about?
the infamous topic of SEX.
come on now. don't pretend you don't know what SEX is, or have never thought about it, talked about it or laughed at it.
we can talk for hours on end about SEX, but here, i'm only going to address an aspect of it that not many will not want to even begin to ponder about (though they may have in the privacy of telephone conversations and intimate social groups).
the big question - how many of us care about our virginity?
honestly, as much as there is so much hype about horny adolescents, many of us fear SEX.
can you believe it?
and we tag our virginity as priceless. guys and girls alike. yes, both sexes.
not just the girls.
as much as we'd like to believe guys nowadays just want a hole for their manhood to slide into, that's far from the truth.
guys are not as dense as we girls think. they treasure they're virginity too.
you must be asking yourself now, "where does she get all this bullshit from?"
from being a nosey parker in message boards online (especially STOMP), from word of mouth, from daily conversations and observations.
of course, i may be wrong, but that's what i have personally observed.
no one can stop them from being horny bastards who think with their manhood at times, but they do treat it like gold, i tell you.
now, do keep in mind, i am merely making a general statement, and this doesn't apply to ALL males. there are plenty of man whores and male sluts out there, i am sure. i'm not stupid or naive.
i am basically stating that, i wish people would open their minds to new perspectives on SEX. it's not about losing one's virginity. nor is it about getting an orgasm.
people really do want to do it because they are passionate about their partners. if anyone wishes to lose their virginity anytime soon, or in the near/distant future, always keep that in mind. don't lose it prematurely. with your virginity intact, you are PRICELESS.
remember: penetration is not everything. foreplay is the magic.
("what does the value of virginity have to do with the value of foreplay?" you ask now. if you don't want to lose it, don't play with it. got it?) Wednesday, October 11, 2006
a misery
today was supposed to be a wonderful day.
it was far from it.
besides the fact i had to wake up at 6 a.m. to help my mum set up her table for the Fancy Fair at Orchard Hotel, my boyfriend had just come home from the night shift, so he was pooped out to meet up with me early enough. (i did ask him to go back to sleep. fine, my fault. but still, my hopes were too high.)
we were supposed to spend the entire day together, including dinner, and walking around the bazaar with my favourite people, nora and deen. instead, we met at 2.30 p.m. to watch the 3. 50 p.m. show for 'World Trade Center'. we argued when we met, we argued halfway, we argued when he sent me home. all on 3 different things.
wow.
the only thing that came out of today was getting to see my two favourite people, plus a very handy quote from the movie, "Pain is your friend". i agree, because today proved just that.
in the movie, pain was a sign that you're still alive.
but the fact that You hurt me so much today baby, and it bothered me, means You mean something to me.
if i didn't feel any pain, i would mean i've stopped loving You.
so, i AM sorry, but please spare me the pain.
because there's only so much PAIN love can take. Saturday, October 07, 2006
bazaar geylang
two nights ago, me and my baby went strolling along geylang serai in search for knick knacks and food. :)
there's only one place to really feel the spirit of hari raya, and that is geylang serai. the food, the smells, sights and sounds all make me excited like a little kid getting candy about the new year round the corner.
yes, i admit, i still feel a little bit out of sync, considering i don't haunt these sort of places often. but that one time in a year is the most important.
we bought the best burger my tastebuds have ever tasted, since i first ate it; the coveted Ramly Burger. hee. so oily, greasy... but gosh, the taste it leaves in your mouth. a sin after a whole day of fasting.
i had two pieces of egg prata for breaking fast (don't ask me why. i had a serious craving for prata). it was a wonderful day with my baby for almost a full 12 hours.
speaking of which, "Stay Alive" isn't half bad. no new techniques in horror strategies, but somehow or for some reason, it sticks in my mind till now. can't wait to catch "World Trade Center". note to self: bring LOTS of tissues. ^_^
well, this weekend will be easy-going, except for than damn psychology lab report due on wednesday and the RDA assignment on friday. sigh.
can't wait to spend time with my baby again. he made me laugh so hard, i almost can't remember when was the last time we really enjoyed each other's company for real.
Monday, October 02, 2006phew.
it's a few minutes to 6 a.m., and i'm finally done with that damn essay. i've officially been up for 21 hours doing that stupid thing!
now for some well-deserved sleep. need to get up at 11 a.m. though. sigh.
and i just ate my breakfast (i'm fasting remember?), and an on-set of stomach upset seems to creeping up on me. how timely.
well, better clean this junk up and print that damn thing out.
out. ZZzZzZZzZZz.
1 and a half years down the road
that's 18 months. 1 and a half years. seems like eons ago that i first met You.
but it's only been that short.
feels like 18 years? good or bad?
i guess in this sense, it feels good.
because we know each other on so many complex levels.
i've never had anyone know me so well, that they can assume my reaction even before i react.
and i never thought i'd know someone so thoroughly that i can foretell their moods, what they're going to say, what they will do next, every time.
it's amazing, the chemistry we have.
and amazing that we lasted this long.
cheers to the times shared, and to the times ahead.
i love You my sayang. my Yogi bear. :)
XOXO Sunday, October 01, 2006
yayy!
after my 4th attempt at my TP, i passed! i'm officially a P-plater. hee. :) after almost 1 and a half years. i seriously told myself, that if i failed this time around, i would quit. and probably re-take it when i start work or something.
i couldn't afford the time, money and disappoint over again.
but honestly, this licence is not so much for my benefit, as it is for my family to stop pressuring me to get one. :P
finally, they can lay off!
and dinner yesterday (well, not dinner exactly, more like dessert) was yummy! we went to the Esplanade's Al Dente (good food, terrible service), then headed to dine-in at Haagen Dazs. i had Chocolate Decadence. so sinful, but so rewarding!
start of fasting for me today, as my menses are over. phooey. haha, i guess i'm too spoilt by eating. but i have turkish take-away to look forward to for dinner tonight. yummy!!!
of course, besides the good news, i still have to struggle with one last communication essay due tomorrow. can't wait to hand it in and get it out of my sight. arrrghhh!
i hope i can finish this essay in time to meet up with my baby for a while tomorrow.
hope.hope.HOPE.
