I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

i waited for you, but you left me with dust in my face...

oh well, once again, i'm the dumb one. the stupid one. the pathetic loser. i went out with that guy i mentioned in the previous entry. (you notice i don't mention names because i don't want any personal attacks; i just want to tell the story as it is from what i perceive it as). so, we ended up in town and had dinner at Pasta Mania @ Scotts. during the date (if you call it that), he was a total gentleman. no doubt. he even paid for the whole date. ice-cream and all... awww... sho shweet. :-D but then there was an instance where he bumped into a FEMALE colleague of his from work and they started looking through pics on his phone, chatting and taking more pictures... i was pretty pissed. (hello?? am i suddenly invisible?) then every step we took down Orchard, it was like he knew every other person. SO intimidating.

so, my date didn't saprk off anything, and he explicitly told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, and how he always stays back in school to complete projects. but he's funny. he makes me laugh. and smile. but what happened when i got home, is really what turned everything around.

my Epitomy Of Mystery in my life called me up. he said his usually ramblings of how he busy he's been, how he misses me and wants to meet me. he asked me what i did that evening, and i told him i just came back from hanging out with a friend. when i mentioned who it was, he knew instantly who he was (they used to play soccer together). then my mom came in. so i had to hang up and wash up. after that, i came back to my room, and then my date called me. he asked if i knew anyone called "so-and-so" (no, i won't say his name). i said there was only one "so-and-so" whom i knew, so i don't know if that's the same person he's talking about. then he explained that this "so-and-so" SMSed him vulgarities and asked why he went out with me and didn't ask his permission. i was like "WHAT??!"... "what else did he say?"... "err.. wait, he just SMSed me back. i'll call you back and tell you what he said." so there i waited.

"well, he said vulgarities and asked why i didn't ask his permission before i went out with you. he said 'she's my ex you know'." then i knew it was the same "so-and-so" he was talking about. then i told my date straight up, seriously, "whatever this fucker tells you, just don't believe him. i'm serious. he's played with my mind before." then my date casually replied "don't worry. i've been thruogh this before." whatever that means... i didn't bother to ask because i was just fuming freakin' mad. the first thing that came into my mind was "i'm trying to win this guy over, and now my ex has to come back to ruin my 2nd chance? WTF does he want?... what does my date think of me now?" then my date provided another piece of information that was useful, "by the way, you know "so-and-so" has a girlfriend?... she's a friend of mine." WTF lar...

so, a brilliant plan came into my mind. i asked my date for this girl's number. i told him what i was going to do. if she really was this fucker's girlfriend, and he has the cheek to come into my life and ruin it, i shall do it my way. to HIM , this time. so i JUST got off the phone with her. apparently, they are not a couple. but she knows him. and TRUSTS him. so i told her to watch her back. and i don't intend to threaten her or have any sort of personal attack on her. and assured her i won't call her again. so that's done. then my date called up and asked if i called the fucker's little girl friend (he didn't call him a fucker, it's just my term for him). i said yup, and told him what i told her. then my date asked what we (me and the Epitomy Of Mystery) talked about that night. and i said the usual stuff, like saying he misses me, wants to meet me... blah, blah, blah. so my date was like, "oh, okay, because she just called me up and i told her your ex said he misses you and all. then she was like all 'huh??' and her morale went into a total flop." immediately i knew, she had feelings for this fucker. then he said he will call me back later because he has another incoming call. now i'm waiting for his call and seriously, i feel sooooo jinxed.

i have been given a second chance to get to know this guy. and my ex HAS to interfere with it, make me do extra work to clean up his friggin' mess. i feel like i'm doing a horrible job of impressing my date by introducing my ugly past to him. i think he must feel i'm a fucking burden. i think i should back out now, before he turns me down AGAIN. at least if i step back by my own self will, i know it's for the best in the long run. and i have only myself to blame.

I really like you. But if i want to avoid hurting myself, and you later on, i think i should leave before it's too late. obviously your life is too full for a pathetic problematic girl like me. i don't want to burden you nor do i want to be the crusher of your friendships. I will still like you, as i have done secretly for 5 years. but never had the guts to admit it. but i guess our meeting was never meant to be. and never will it be.