I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Monday, May 16, 2005

a sudden slap

if feelings could punch you, i think we would be bruised black and blue by now. crippled. amputated?... haha. sorry, i'm talking shit. but seriously, with the amount of emotion one can suddenly feel at one instant moment, it's never a wonder how we always can pull through. because many a times it nibbles, stings, bites, tugs, tears, rips, stomps, break or even almost vapourise you to smitherins.

but right now, the only emotion that's floating on the surface for me, is a mixture of sheer sadness (like low morale) and - as-mushy-as-it-sounds-and-i-know-some-people-will-roll-their- eyes-at-me-for-being-so-cliche - so in Love.

sheer sadness coming from the absence of my acceptance letter from NTU. from having no money. from how, as a person, i've become today. from having my mom tell me, "once a week is still too much". from missing You so bad. from being fat.

on the other hand, so in Love coming from Yasin. i know how he always tells me that he does love me. and i've felt and heard how someone professes their feelings for someone they care for before. through gestures, through words. but never through tears. never. okay, maybe in movies. but to see it happen to me with my very own eyes - surreal. everything pieced together for me when i cried out what i really felt.

seeing you look at me that way made me realise you really do love me. not that i doubted before. but it showed me what you really mean to me, and likewise. i realised then what i failed to see in you ever before. you are real. and in spite of my weakness of being afraid and insecure of myself, it slapped me that i couldn't ever have the heart to break you, or hurt you; because in turn, it would only tear me up inside. i promise - i don't know what exactly yet. but i promise that it'll be me who'll keep you grounded, keep you sane (like you do for me) and love you the best i can. like you have.