The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another
There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden
So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight
Sunday, May 15, 2005
a weird sense of loss
i know i haven't lost anything. only time. but that happens to sting quite alot right now. yesterday, spending time with You seemed endless (in a good way, don't worry). and if i could, i wouldn't ever go back to where i came from.
then when you never want it to, reality slaps you - no, STABS you - to life, ironically enough. and then you think back to what you've been doing, even if it was for that entire week. you realise how exhausted you are from trying to please everyone. but yourself. what have you gotten in return that's fulfilled your day? what self-achievement have you garnered that you can be truly proud about recently? all i have seemed to do is please everyone around me except myself. i'm getting tired of it. i'm like a fucking boot-licker, in hopes of getting some ray of hope for my own time, or get what i want for a change.
i always go out of my way to suck-up to my mom, especially. and for what? YOU TELL ME. i can't remember anything other than always trying to please her. i try to please my sister. who's 6 years younger than me. shouldn't it be the other way around, if anything? i'm not saying everyone has to kiss my ass, but can i just get some form of favour returned to me, from those who i have LOYALLY and FAITHFULLY been SERVING? then i have to balance things out with Him. i'm not saying anything here, but i'm almost tired out. there has been moments - I WON'T LIE - that i have considered OUT. why you ask? because i don't know how long more i can tolerate people taking my generosity and kindness for granted and not getting anything in return. i don't know how long more i can TRY and maintain the balance. suddenly today i just feel so torn up inside. so broken. and there's no one to hold me together anymore.
and it hurts even more after i broke down in front of You. now you know my heart bleeds, maybe more than others. i'm just tired. FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE. I'm a cranky, depressed, bitchy, fucked-up girl who has NO idea what the FUCK she's typing about. sorry.
PUT YOUR LOVELY NAME HERE
Wani
23/02/1986 (Pisces)
(Psychology & Communications) Monash University
Chatting, chilling, poetry, movies, making love, making out.
Tigger & Princess
In love with love; cynical with a hint of tease. ;) LOVE THE WORLD AND SMILE AT THE STRANGER.