I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Saturday, October 15, 2005

i didn't think it would affect me this much.

even as i sit here, the tears just won't stop. and i don't care anymore.

even though it's petty, pathetic and lowly of me to do so, i am going to cry my eyes out till i'm satisfied.

my heart just feels so heavy, so depressed, so miserable. i can't take it; it feels like i'm going to explode and implode at the same time.

why can't i see You? why do i have to be so fucking busy? You're the only thing i can honestly look forward to every week, that will turn out beautiful.

i really can't take this misery. ya, i know... some of you can go, "jeez, so melodrama for what? not like he died or something! or even moved across the world and never coming back!"

i know. i'm a drama queen sometimes. maybe even subconsciously, all the time. but try imagining yourself not being able to see the one you love for an entire month, especially when he/she is so near (in terms of proximity) and yet so far. it's so stupid right? it's almost like not being to see your neighbour who lives just across your front door, but with the intense feelings of love for him or her. okay, maybe not a very good analogy, but i think you know what i mean.

i feel so helpless. i'm just so upset and frustrated.

i try to never let You hear the silent tears i cry over the phone because there's nothing You can do. i say i'm fine because You can't do anything to make me feel better. i don't tell You how i honestly feel because i don't want You to regard me as such a ditz, drama-mama and overly pathetic and petty. i don't want to depend on You. i want to pretend i can still stand on my own two feet, with my heavy heart in my hands. sometimes, it's good if You don't give a damn about me, because that was how my life was like before You - no one really loved me the way You do now. it's good that some things remain the way they are meant to be. so please, if anything, i guess You can love me less... but never more. because i won't be able to get away from Your drug called Love.

because that's suicide.