I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Friday, January 06, 2006

my own dark confession

i'll come out and say it right here. because i think this is what You would have wanted me to do. tell the world (or at least my world of online friends) the truth, the whole truth and nothing else, about me.

i committed infidelity. there. said it.

yes, we held hands. we even shared a kiss. and it was sinful beyond any reason.

though i did realise many things about how i was feeling towards You, him and even us, after the incident. i guess that doesn't account for anything. i already said i'm sorry countless of times. and i know saying it a billion more times is pointless.

but i'm honestly willing to accept the consequences and deal with it, with You. that was why i offered to leave You because i understood that, that might be an option. and i was ready to accept that. i derserved that. but You adamantly refused.

and why?
when Your trust in me is zilch, Your feelings are not as strong as before and all You wish to do is get back at me by cheating on me with someone else. You said all this Yourself.

why torture ourselves? wouldn't we be happier with future partners who couldn't possibly harm us the way we do to each other?

even if You leave me now, i'm ready to accept that fact.

if You wish to be with me, please work with me. yes, it was my fault, my mistake. i've already admitted that countless of times too. but You always told me "it takes two hands to clap". this situation is no different. if we are to move past this and grow together, please co-operate with me. i can't be doing this myself. and i can't possibly ever make You happy if You keep criticising me and putting me down every time i try to pick up a shattered piece of whatever is left of us.

making it up to You is one thing. demanding every request from me is another.

take me. leave me. either one.