I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

ranting and raving

i can't take it. i just can't take it anymore.

my heart's too heavy. my tears can't flow against the current. my mind's buzzing with premeditated thoughts of just ending this.

i feel so helpless. words can't fix this. my pleas and begs can't sway this.

You've put a plug on my emotions, saying i can't complain anymore about You being so busy. but that's not me. it will never be me. and if You can't accept that i get upset over this matter, then maybe we should rethink if our lives are really meant to gel.

You have no right to say i'm not understanding. there have been dozens of times i sacrificed my time, my feelings, my space, not forgetting lying for You, just to make time for You. and when i ask You to sacrifice even a little extra of Your time, You make it sound as though it's a chore. a hassle. You reluctantly say, "i'll try."

yes, You work. i don't. that i understand. but don't You dare say i don't understand, or don't even try to make the effort. because i know i fucking do.

there have already been so many nights i stay up wondering if You would be willing to make the same sacrifices for me, given the chance. and i know, due to Your priorities, You will never.

i love You to death. and at the same time, You kill my feelings. and the only way to deal with it, is for me to become numb.

numb to the pain You cause. numb to the countless arguments we have. numb so that i won't have to deal with not having the right to express myself to You. because it hurts to know, as Your significant other, i'm disallowed to share what i truly feel with You. even if it disappoints You.

i don't feel whole with You anymore.
i feel broken.
and not seeing You, makes me feel transparent.
You make me feel so downright fucking ugly.