The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another
There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden
So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight
Saturday, July 15, 2006
it doesn't pay to be nice
anyone who agrees with me, raise your hands. okay, i see one... two... hmm, pretty good - more hands than i expected. :-P
moping in the house on one of my bad or moody days gets me into this,"don't show that face around the house... you go around the house moping... like one kind!" but when the other 3 members of this shelter do it, they can carry on dragging their sagging chins till they scrape the floor and bleed, for all they care.
yup.
of course, nothing beats my baby's company, but when i'm home, my sis is the only person i can really talk to. i'm not pathetic, not dependent on her... i'm just close to her out of everyone else here, that's all. but recently, she's been so oblivious of me. like i can stand there, say "hi" or just make a random comment, and she will either:
(a)reply but not look at me (b)say nothing at all
at first i just shrugged it off, because i knew she was under lots of stress from her gymnastics competition and school. i even supported her, and gave her space. but even after the competition's over, she still treats me like dirt.
and when i tell her how she's reacting, she tells me i'm just overreacting, petty, or that she didn't even notice. then she continues ignoring me.
what the fuck did i do to piss everyone at home? what in my incompetent mind did i conjure into reality to shit-piss everyone the fuck off?
honestly, i am barely hanging on to my sanity here. my headaches are growing from bad to worse, till the point that i wouldn't mind if i had a tumour in my head just growing and feeding off my lack of substance i have up there.
i don't know where the headaches are coming from. but i'm seriously sick. not "flu bug" sick, but sick in the head. insomnia and loneliness are my best friends, besides the ever-so-often phone calls from You. i wish i had enough money to go visit a shrink.
so many people have said i'm too tolerant for my own good. i'm too fucking nice. i take all kinds of shit and don't say a word. i remember once, oh yes, my girlfriend told me, "i won't be surprised if one day you just lose it... like a major break down. you gotta take care of yourself, k. i really wonder how you do it." maybe she's right.
but maybe i haven't stood up for myself yet because i have no guts. i'm a wuss. i admit.
i'm a fucking wuss.
PUT YOUR LOVELY NAME HERE
Wani
23/02/1986 (Pisces)
(Psychology & Communications) Monash University
Chatting, chilling, poetry, movies, making love, making out.
Tigger & Princess
In love with love; cynical with a hint of tease. ;) LOVE THE WORLD AND SMILE AT THE STRANGER.
