I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

learning to accept a sin

no, this is not one of those blasphemious confessions like how many partners i've slept with, how i puked after getting stone drunk, or how i sold my soul to the devil. literally.

anyways, just for reassurance, i DON'T have THOSE kind of confessions. :D

this is just a state of mind i know i have been having for the past two years or so. and never really got to "accepting" it.

as many of you know, i am javanese. not malay. because if i WERE malay, my IC would state so. but of course, for convenience sake, in singapore, all people of a race close to that, are classified as "malay", in general.

if you look closely to articles in the newspaper, besides noticing muslim terrorist attacks on a global scale, you will find that youth-related crimes at home are mostly committed by malays. bike accidents. malay. we are like the (no offence to any coloured people who read this) "BLACKS" of our little island. crime is our "speciality".

my mom pointed this "trend" out to me over the past two years, and though i try to see around it, or give some reason behind it, i can't seem to. it boils down to our "heck care malay attitude", as she says. and don't worry, i'm not excluded. my mom has referenced me to having "no drive" and "just like a typical malay bum".

so yea, the whole point IS... i wish wish WISH i could disassociate myself from my own heritage. i like the culture. but the label that we have built for ourselves is truly unbecoming.

today, on my way back from BBDC, i took the bus. and since it is in the bukit gombak area, there were plenty of malays. i shook my head at the dismal character portrayed by the youths and even more so, the parents. we malays also have the tendency to marry early, and our maturity has not reached an appropriate level for settling down with a partner. let alone kids. before my eyes, i see a dysfunctional future for them.

sorry for being so pessimistic, and yes, some of you will utterly spite me for saying this supposed trash. but we have to face what's around us. you can tell me, "you were lucky to be born into a 'rich' family" or "you don't know how it's like to provide". yes, yes, yes. i've heard all of this before. i am simply stating things that i observe. and i'm not asking everyone to believe me.

this is an official disclaimer to proclaim that this is purely a piece of writing that is self-opinionated and has no ill-intent or hate crime motives.

at the end of the day, i am a malay.
i cannot run away from that.
but i always tell myself, i will never want to fall into that pit of misery, where 10 or 20 years down the road, a young malay girl looks at me, with the same thoughts i have on my mind now.