I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Sunday, September 10, 2006

tolerance

if there's one thing i cannot ever bring up in front of my mom, it'd be health, or fitness or exercise. anything to do with keeping fit.

because some way or other, she'll bring some kind of blame to the table and point it to me.

for example:
yesterday we were eating lunch at McDonald's and my sister mentioned RANDOMLY, "oh kakak (big sister), actually you can do gymnastics coz' you have a short body." in response i said, "yea, and short legs too." and my mom had to join in and say, "but she's bottom heavy." which i know is true, but doing a sport doesn't require a specific body type. people can TRAIN to achieve a body type if they really want it.

then my mom started to talk about a particular neighbour of ours who wakes up at 4.30 a.m. a few mornings a week just to cycle 84km to work. well, kudos to him. then came the insult, "yea, he's so disciplined and fit, unlike SOME PEOPLE who are still in bed at 4 a.m." she glared at me.

what the fuck??? if he wants to wake up at 4. 30 a.m. that's his bloody problem! since when should i do the same just because it's supposedly good for me? and hello? 84km? who in their sane mind would cycle that much if they've never done so in their life? that sort of thing needs training and discipline.

suddenly all the possible "you're-fat" insults were directed at me, and for what? for fuck's sake, i'm UP TILL 4 a.m. on some nights doing my fucking school work. i don't sleep late staying out getting wasted okay? and i sleep in because i CARE about my school work! i actually BOTHER to stay up and do it, and she bloody knows it. why the sudden sarcasm and insults?

FYI, i like my body, and i'm NOT fat. curvaceous, but not FAT. and i'm not in denial. it's true, I AM NOT FAT. why can't anyone see that???

better than some anorexic model or emancipated woman who thinks she's so hot.
in fact these past few weeks i haven't been eating much because of stress and and an irritable bowel. and BECAUSE of that, i even LOST WEIGHT.

I CHECKED. what is everyone's obsession with fat (or supposedly FAT) people being ugly, outcasted or pariahs?

if there's anything to say, it'll be:

FEED THE MODELS.