I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

acceptance of the past

today i saw a video of my baby when he entered a pageant way back in 2001. yes, you read it right, a PAGEANT. technically, Mr & Ms ITE (Bishan) 2001.

cheesy, i agree 100%. or even more. but the point is, it took me back to a time when i didn't even know he existed. heck, i was only 15! and for me, it allowed me to see a glimpse of how he was like 6 years ago.

looks. poise. mannerisms. presence. and i liked what i saw. in fact, i was pleasantly surprised.

he was so charming. and out of all the contestants, it was very obvious - he was shaking up there. hee. i found it really cute. ^_^

before the "question and answer" segment, the girls and the guys were paired up. the guy would then lead the girl on-stage in a very "prom-like" manner, and start posing on-stage for the sake of displaying their elegance and poise.

now this, i didn't expect to happen: i got jealous. because he went on-stage with his female partner and hugged her from behind so that he could "show her off" to the judges and the audience. they did 3 or so poses in embrace before he let her go.

i didn't say anything because i knew jolly well it wasn't right of me to feel that way. for God's sake, it was bloody 6 YEARS ago!!! and that girl had a boyfriend! and it's just a pageant! (yeah, tell that to the consciousness inside of me that was turning greener and greener by the second)

eventually, i couldn't take it. so i told him. and i think he was surprised.
"yeah, but look now. 5 years later i met you."

:)

the entire point is (nope, i wasn't typing it all out in detail to start bragging!), i'm glad he showed me that video. because reflecting back on it, it sends a warm wash of love for him over me. he could've chosen not to show it to me, in fear of coming off as "showy".

but that's his past. and the last time he let me peak into his life before he met me, was when we brought photos of our childhood and teenage years, to exchange with one another.

by the way, he won the title. :D and boy, if i'd known him back then, i'd try my luck. ;-)

california, here we come
right back where we started from.
take care. i'll miss you. :(