I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

break me down and sober me up

today was a day of sorts. i was supposed to spend an unforgettable, entire day with the boy. unfortunately, depressingly and utterly disappointingly, he called me at 8.20 a.m. to say that he had to work. out of "no choice". this week, he's worked 7 fucking days straight.

and that was how i kicked off my day - in tears, on my bed.

it couldn't have gotten any better. i refused to stay home because it just felt so suffocating. i needed to get out of the house, even if it meant i'd spend my entire FREE sunday all by myself, stoning and envying couples, friends and families go enjoy their last day of the weekend.

so i headed to the national library (central branch) and managed to find that nisha minhas book that i've been searching for, for quite some time. found a comfortable sofa chair and sunk into my reading. i actually intended to study a little on the 7th floor, but my mind was far too scattered for any form of education to do me good.

to my left, i had a middle-aged woman, and next to her left, her middle-aged male friend. they were pretty annoying, whispering loudly and all. but i couldn't be bothered. and technically, her middle-aged male friend had brought a sofa chair from the other side of the library so that he could sit next to her, which of course, isn't allowed. two strikes.

third strike? when the middle-aged woman went off to get more books, and left her seat empty (with no bags/belongings of hers to claim her seat), a much elderly man carrying an arm-load of books, an umbrella and his rucksack, attempted to sit in "her" seat. as a natural reaction, her middle-aged male friend stood up and said, "no, this seat is taken. my friend just went to get more books. she'll be back". the elderly man was taken aback and responded with, "you can't reserve seats! i can sit here if i want". but the middle-aged man was persistent and shoved the elderly man away from the sofa chair.

not satisfied, the elderly man went to call a librarian to sort the matter out, and the middle-aged man just dared him to. so 2 minutes later, the elderly man was back with a librarian in tow, and the middle-aged man explained his situation to her - that his friend merely went off to get more books. and that he is NOT reserving a seat, but just stating that the seat is taken.

"in the first place sir, you're not allowed to move the sofa chair here. the sofa chair is supposed to be there", the librarian responded, pointing to the gap that the sofa chair had once occupied, along the wall. thankfully the middle-aged man graciously admitted his fault about that, and offered to put the sofa chair back right away. but he reminded the librarian that "that's not the point". the elderly man had actually shouted "FUCK YOU" before he stormed off to find the librarian earlier, and the middle-aged man told the librarian this.

as such, the speaking escalated to shouting and a third (irrelevant) man stepped in to say, "excuse me, can you please stop shouting? you're irritating everyone in the library". to this, the middle-aged man said, "YOU don't know what you're talking about! you're just defending this old man!" to which another 4TH man interjected and said, "no, YOU don't know what you talking about! if you want to fight, please go out!" then another librarian had to step in.

so there, we had a situation with 6 PEOPLE arguing and trying to settle a dispute over... a seat in the library. in the end, the librarian had to pull the elderly man away, all while he was meekly saying to her, "it's a matter of principle. if you have rules in the library, you should apply them to everyone. there shouldn't be any exceptions for certain people. it's my right to sit where i want..." i really felt sorry for him. really.

the only reason why the librarian did not directly tell the middle-aged man off was (i think) because, she knew him personally. they both addressed each other by surname - she was mrs tan, and he, mr lim. that's equality for you.

i guess "the settling" carried on, outside the library, because mr lim could be heard saying, "YOU! i want to settle this with you", as he was following the librarian and the elderly man.

sigh.

then me and my darling cousin agreed to meet halfway on the green line (MRT) because he wanted to pass me "something". i had told him of my misery today, but i didn't expect any sort of pick-me-up from him, or anyone for that matter.

we agreed on tiong bahru, and the first thing he asked me when he saw me was, "why do you look so sad?" and then he gave me exactly what i needed - a big bear hug. so i explained to him what happened in more detail, and i just couldn't help my eyes from brimming with tears again. that's when he showed me the little "something" he wanted me to have.

it was a box of ferrero rochers and chocolate cake. "it was last minute, but i just thought it'd cheer you up". i was so touched, and i can honestly say, it's been YEARS since anyone has done that for me. you know, go out of the way to buy for me a little gift, or whatever, on-the-spot because i felt down that day.

i felt so happy. and sincerely appreciative of the gesture. :D
thanks nasser! love, love YOU!

even on my way home, he sent me a message reassuring me that he'd (the boy) would make it up to me soon, and that i should enjoy my chocs! oh my gosh, even my boyfriend doesn't cheer me up like that. now i know i can trust my nasser. :)

when i arrived home, i slipped into my swimsuit and went for a couple of laps and got a slight tan. naturally, i brought down the ferrero's to the poolside too! hee.

i feel better now. but i just cannot shake the feeling that i'm so easily manipulated and taken for granted. he always expects me to accept his apology for even the most disappointing of mistakes and not have to face the fact that i'm deeply hurt.

he may never read my blog, but i have this to say, for now:

you should take notes from nasser. because the pain you caused me today, he erased away.
i just wish i didn't care so much about how you treated me. because then i wouldn't put so much hope in you, only to let it be ripped to shreds.

i'm just pushing it all aside. aside. aside.