I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Friday, June 26, 2009

ideal partner

this post comes along quite late, considering father's day was last sunday. but oh well, better late than never. and in any case, this doesn't really have much to do with fathers. but it sure will start off on that note.

they say girls tend to (eventually) marry someone similar to how they view their father. i think it's rather true. especially since i've never really had a father figure to look up to my entire life - not even now.

i've never known how it feels to have someone dote on you like his little "princess", get a little over-protective when you start liking boys in your teen years, or even discipline you when you step out of line, the way a loving, concerned father does.

so, all these years, in my head, i've concocted this concept of an "ideal" father figure i wish i'd had all my life, growing with me as i go through the happiest and crappiest times of my life. i've always wished for a father who i could go to, when mummy's being unfair and naggy. or when i want a little "daddy' girl" sort of pampering. heck, it would be a sign of affection if my "ideal" father could give me advice, from a man's point of view.

so, keeping with all these qualities, i wish i could've been showered with fatherly affection while growing up and it's become a subconscious attempt to find a father figure like that in my future husband. first of all, it was because i want my kids to have someone they could look up to and respect. and most importantly, to have what i never did.

but then i slowly began to see, it was also a way for me to fill the void that's been there for almost 20 years of my life. i don't have or ever have had any real "elder" to look up to - cousins excluded. ;-)

so when my current boyfriend came into the picture, it was like everything fell into place. sure we had a rough start, considering i've never had a man tell me what i should or should not do/think/say/behave... you get the hint. :-P

i hated being called out for my mistakes and in a way punished for them because i was stubborn enough to think, 'this is who i am. who are you to change me?' but before i knew it, i grew to understand where my boyfriend was coming from. his attmpts to reprimand me and arguments about how bitchy i can get was all to make me take a step back and see how much growing up i needed to do.

without going through all the shit he put me through during the first 2 years of our relationship, i would have never realised how much better a person i could've become. over 4 years have passed now, and it's like i'm falling in love all over again. :D

i've never felt so content with just one person, and with myself in years. and i owe it all to him - Muhamad Yasin Bin Omar. the love of my life.

p.s. the funniest part is, he is a child of divorce too, just like me. and his step-father was no more a father figure to him than his biological dad. his late grandmother was the one who raised him most of his youth. she should be overwhelmingly proud of him. :)