I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

surreal dream

i had such an emotionally-charged dream last night that i actually felt angry upon waking up. i literally had to ask myself if what had just happened was real.

the dream started out with me and the boy on one of our usual dates when his cell rang - and it was his ex. at first, his expression was one of confusion, but soon enough, he was gleaming at the sound of her voice and that she actually bothered to contact him after all these years. standing beside him, i asked who the caller was, and he just mouthed to me, "my ex", while a stupid, goofy grin was plastered on his face.

initially i thought he'd just brush her off and get back to our date, so i walked into a random shoe store and oogled at the rows and rows of heels before me. he basically tagged along behind, and soon, i overheard him literally flirting openly with her, right in front of me! he called her pet names, told her sweet nothings over the receiver and laughed at every stupid comment she possibly made. i whirled around and gasped at his audacity to have the cheek to do such a thing!

i whispered, quite loudly, "how could you?!" and he shushed me up with a wave of his hand, and got back to grinning like an idiot to the sound of that bitch. then he said, "oh, you're at my place? cool! i'll see you in a bit!" then he hung up, and told me politely, "sorry, but my ex is waiting for me at my house, so i gotta go okay? i'll call you later."

at this point, i was infuriated! i just stood in the middle of the shoe store and screamed at him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOTTA GO?! SHE'S YOUR FUCKING EX! WHAT BUSINESS DOES SHE HAVE ASKING YOU TO GO MEET HER AND LEAVING ME?! TAKE THIS!!! ALL OF THIS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" and i tore off our "promise ring", the white gold necklace he bought me, and poured out everything in my bag that belonged to him, or that he had bought for me... and threw them in his face.

the dream skipped to the next day, when i received his call. and he told me that his ex had stayed over that night. i was puzzled as to how his mom had allowed her to stay over, and he replied, "oh, she was cool with it". so i asked him, "so did you hook up with her, like did anything happen?"

"what does it matter to you? so what if we hooked up?"

i was beyond devastated. i couldn't even bring myself to ask him why he did what he did, or why she did what she's done. all i know is, after that call, i never heard from him again.

i recalled this dream to the boy today, and his first response was, "maybe it's your guilty conscience".

my first thought was, 'yeah, right'. why would i feel guilty about anything that's happened so far? nothing scandalous has occurred lately, as far as i could remember at that point of time.

then when i reached home, another thought hit me: you know what, i think he may be right after all.