I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Sunday, January 03, 2010

dawned

it may be the new year and they say new beginnings lie ahead or at least, there's hope for it. i see none in mine.

as much as i really want to move on from the horror that was 2009 (and possibly 2008), day by day it dawns on me how much my fears and insecurities are emphasised by the way that the few people (i cared about) around me have decided, enough is enough. and so they make their exit, only creating new belief in me that i really am not worth the effort to stick around for.

i've not had many i've grown fond of, growing up. and those who have entered my life, take their leave as quickly as they came, citing reasons that i'm just too much of a mess to handle. i used to keep telling myself, it only means they are making way for better things to come. but i'm slowly realising who's really lying to who.

it's me. that's the only common factor that's been constant all this while. and after having someone you were supposed to spend the rest of life with, turn their back on you to only seek out someone else, it just seems to echo what i've been denying all this while.

that i really am just not worthy for anyone to be involved with.

i'm not creating a pity-fest by ranting endlessly; i'm merely stating what seems to be the very obvious vicious cycle that keeps haunting me. and regardless how much i keep questioning 'why?', i seem to get cornered by the demons that have always been there to mock me.

so there, i think it's time i faced the music and admit it: it's always been me. it's pretty sad to know, cos' honestly, if i were someone else and i got to know me, i'd feel pity. and just avoid me altogether.

sad sad case. oh well.