I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Monday, February 20, 2012

a little paralysed

i have no idea i, or my body, would react this way trying to process this bit of news. just thinking about it makes my belly churn and a stomach ache creeps in.

it's been more than 2 freaking years, and i haven't had any desire to mend our past, let alone see you. and now you're married. my hands are cold just typing all this out, and i'm asking myself, "why the fuck do i care?"

i can only attribute it to the fact that this solidifies what an utter waste of time and energy our 5 years were, seeing as to how, less than 2 years is all you needed to settle down. hell, 2 months on, you were already engaged.

my heart feels so heavy and the regrets come in waves, crashing against my insides. before i know it, i'm sure you'll be a father. but before that, i need to accept this. it's not killing me, don't get me wrong.

i have no desire for a reconciliation, and i haven't been missing you in any way. it's just, wow. i simply cannot believe how soon and quickly you've moved on. if i had any doubt of holding a grudge against you, well, i no longer have to think twice.

i was right to have hated you that much. and today, i still feel the same way. your wife will never know what you put me through, and what you could possibly ever do to her if she were to ever betray you (or even remotely, make you a little more than infuriated). but that's for her to find out.

as for me, i will always feel bitterness towards you. and hate. and spite. and will always think of you as a liar, a backstabber, a cheater, physically and emotionally/verbally abusive, a hypocrite, a douchebag and a poor, vile excuse for a man.

fuck you for taking away 5 years of my youth, seriously, FUCK YOU.