I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Monday, April 30, 2012

part of giving up

well, i said in my last post, that it's probably about that time that i just cave. and in a way i have surrendered, because i know in at least one aspect of my life, that is very true.

everything just got bad early last year, and it has been downhill. today, i think it's come to a point where i just cannot bring myself to say or do anything, anymore. maybe because i couldn't care less, or that i know nothing will change. but mostly, i cannot possibly be the only person pointing out every single aspect i'm unhappy with. it's been done before, and it's simply gone nowhere.

i'd like to think contentment has settled in, but nah, i think it's just me trying to pretend that i'm alright with all of this. deep down, i know i'm not. but what else can i possibly do? create a stir that would only drive away the most important thing to me?

this takes two hands, and i've tried doing my part. i really have. so, now i'm finished. yeah, you can say, it's never just finished; it's an ongoing process of working through things and finding that balance. it's been a year and a half, and nothing. i don't see where all this balances out. maybe i really am never going to be satisfied, and who knows, maybe i'm a little petty. but i know what i seek, and it's just not there.

how far can i push, till i just might push too far?

so, i'm sitting here, typing all this out, and contemplating if this is me telling myself that i'm done. i think i really am. if this all ends, at least i can tell myself i did try. i talked things out, i pushed for things to get better. but nothing.

i honestly don't see any point working it out when you're basically best friends. and not even with benefits.