I am the secret that you keep; MISS SCARLET.

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we must do
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

another chapter has begun

where do i even begin? i'm not going to ramble on about insignificant details, but plenty has happened.

including a meeting that has taken 26 years of my life to actually happen - yeah, having a meal with my biological father. granted, it was scary, especially since i didn't expect his whole family to be there - wife and both daughters. my baby was with me, for support, and for his eagerness to finally meet my father as well.

there were plenty of awkward moments, and a couple of times i had to hold back myself from asking too much, or being too emotionally caught up. all in all, it was great. but soon after, i found myself not really knowing what to do with all these mixed emotions; i realise i don't know how to have a father in my life. and every text from him after that dinner, it's almost as if i feel repulsed by the fact that he's so keen in keeping contact with me. i have absolutely no clue how to do this.

in other news, i have two more weeks at the magazine, before i take a short break and start work as a copywriter at 88db.com. honestly, it's a little too corporate for my taste, but i have to bite the bullet and immerse myself in the REAL working world. i'm scared that i'll not be able to keep up, or my performance will be sorely lacking having had ZERO experience in that field of work and in that environment. just gotta have a leap of faith, i guess - quite literally.

so yeah, i finally had a proper meet with my father and i'm about to embark on my first real job. this year has been nothing short of pretty amazing changes for me, really. with my weight loss included, all 9 kilos of it. :)

i should be stoked with how things are slowly working out for me, but somehow there's always something that seems to be missing. go figure.